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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

School curriculum is selected by the central education authority rather than by the teachers, parents and students. Some believe that the latter should take part in the choice. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#school #curriculum #education #authority #teachers #parents #students #believe #latter #part #choice #support
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Many modern
schools
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 adopted the
school
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curriculum
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 which is fully selected by the government.
However
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, I strongly believe that teachers, parents and students’ involvement in the composure of learning materials would be beneficial to the pupils
due to
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 higher incentive to learn and better understanding of their regions. On the one hand, students’ and teachers’ involvement provides a higher incentive for the former to learn and the latter to teach. First of all, if pupils are granted the authority to amend the
curriculum
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according to
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 their interests, their
school
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 lives will turn
to
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out to
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 be more enjoyable and engaging. Consider the case of girls’
schools
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, the young ladies tend to have a cooking course
than
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rather than
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 a gaming one. Meanwhile, teachers are able to tailor the teaching materials based on which area they are knowledgeable about.
This
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 can be exemplified by an astronomical mania teacher who can foster stellar interest in his/her students.
On the other hand
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, it can help children
to
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apply
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gain knowledge of regional content when the
school
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curriculum
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 is not fully composed by the central education authority. One notable example is the Aboriginal
schools
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 in Australia. When the Aboriginal festival and history are taught in
schools
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, the Aboriginal children are allowed to be immersed in their culture, impacting their traditions to the next generations.
Moreover
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, there are four official languages in Switzerland.
This
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 is
also
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 evident in Switzerland, which has four official languages.
In other words
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, students have different mother languages in different cities.
Therefore
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, it is better to translate the textbooks into the corresponding regional language. In conclusion, I believe the third parties’ advice in the
school
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curriculum
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 is vital for a better educational outcome because it can lead to a higher
to
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apply
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study and a border knowledge of the places they belong to.
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Task
Provide a more profound explanation of the argument for a higher incentive to learn. Explain how the increased interest translates into better academic performance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction is good, but it could be slightly expanded to give a clearer overview of the essay. Perhaps state briefly why the involvement of teachers, parents, and students is crucial.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied and complex sentence structures to elevate the essay's sophistication. This can also help in making the ideas flow more seamlessly.
Task
The essay presents clear and comprehensible ideas, showcasing a logical structure that effectively supports the main points.
Task
The use of specific examples, like the Aboriginal schools and the linguistic diversity in Switzerland, adds strength to the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, ensuring that the reader can easily follow the argument from start to finish.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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