IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a school career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your option.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that getting a job directly after
school
Use synonyms
 is the best choice for building a successful
career
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that pursuing higher
education
Use synonyms
 provides better opportunities.
While
Linking Words
 working after
school
Use synonyms
 allows young
people
Use synonyms
 to gain experience early, I believe that higher
education
Use synonyms
 opens more
career
Use synonyms
 options and expands students’
knowledge
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that starting work right after
school
Use synonyms
 is beneficial because it allows young
people
Use synonyms
 to earn money earlier and develop practical skills.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some jobs do not require academic qualifications, making immediate employment more appealing.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is often expensive, and not all students can afford it.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 approach can be short-sighted because many job opportunities require candidates with at least a bachelor’s degree.
For example
Linking Words
, professions in the medical field,
such
Linking Words
 as doctors and nurses, demand specialized
knowledge
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 that cannot be gained through work alone.
Therefore
Linking Words
, skipping higher
education
Use synonyms
 may limit future
career
Use synonyms
 advancement.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that attending
university
Use synonyms
 helps students gain in-depth
knowledge
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 and skills, which improves their
career
Use synonyms
 prospects.
That is
Linking Words
 to say,
university
Use synonyms
 graduates are more attractive to employers looking for qualified workers.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study conducted by Oxford
University
Use synonyms
 found that most high-level positions in major companies are offered to individuals with higher
education
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, real-world experience alone may not be as effective as formal academic preparation. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because higher
education
Use synonyms
 not only improves
knowledge
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 increases the chances of long-term
career
Use synonyms
 success. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 gaining work experience directly after
school
Use synonyms
 may offer short-term benefits
such
Linking Words
 as income and skill development, I believe that pursuing higher
education
Use synonyms
 better prepares students for the job market and opens up a wider range of opportunities.

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points, particularly in the second view.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the two views and your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good balance of ideas in both views, which makes your essay well-rounded.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • study
  • university
  • college
  • job
  • career
  • believe
  • better
  • experience
  • important
  • money
  • skills
  • degree
  • work
  • training
  • future
  • student
  • education
  • employer
  • practical
  • expensive
  • attractive
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