Should Children be encouraged to be competitive in sports and other activities? Or is it better for them to learn the benefits of co-operating with other people? Discuss both these views and give your own answer.

There are many different opinions about encouraging children to be competitive or co-operating. In my
mind
, both of them have positive effects on their lives and developing countries, but I believe being cooperative outweighs being competitive. Being cooperative helps people to get
along with
each other easily. When you gather competitive people they only think about how they become the best person in the
group
and they don’t think about
this
if all of us become the best what happens. In developed countries, you need professionals who are cooperative. that means they can work as a team to achieve goals. There is no me in that kind of
group
the most important thing in that
group
is how we can achieve our goal. All the team is caregivers and more or less they want to help others. If your experts don’t want to work as a team or want to work alone there is no way to achieve the goals. Maybe is there a chance but it takes so long to process. But
on the other hand
, competitive minds have their own benefits which could not be included in a cooperative. Competitive humans think of the best and fastest way to achieve their goals so they will be the first people who achieve them. They want to be the best person in the
group
and
this
attitude helps other folks to develop their self to become more and more practical. A cooperative
mind
and a competitive
mind
have their own advantages and disadvantages to a
group
or society and we need both. But if you want to choose which one is more important and has more impact, I say Co-operative
mind
Submitted by ramenosko on

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task response
You present both views and provide your own opinion, which is great. However, your ideas would benefit from more development and clearer support. Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay can be improved. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically into the next. Use linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your argument.
task response
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, and you've made your opinion clear.
task response
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt to balance the discussion of both views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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