IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponser a local children's sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts IT has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company In your letter ●describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team ●summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts ●say how you think the company should spend the money

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Dear Sir or Madam I am writing to you about feedback that you asked from the general public.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I would say about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of sponsoring the
sports
Use synonyms
 team. When we conducted a school survey with local residents, we found out that many children are interested in
sports
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
major
Add an article
the major
a major
show examples
 problem is not enough money for modern
sports
Use synonyms
 equipment. If you sponsor, children will play
sports
Use synonyms
 in their
worth
Correct word choice
free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and they will brush up their
selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 process can
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 2 things including, being a healthy and
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
 country. If you ask me,
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 point
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a sponsoring two open-air concerts is a good idea
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 attract
people
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, our
people
Use synonyms
 dedicate a lot of
time
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work and of course, they cannot spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their families. If you sponsoring to it, you will make
people
Use synonyms
 have a good
time
Use synonyms
 with well-known actors and actresses. I would be
gratefull
Correct your spelling
grateful
if you
sponsoring
Wrong verb form
sponsored
show examples
children's
Correct article usage
the children's
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 team. Because, in
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
 they will achieve their all goals and success.
This
Linking Words
 will make your company famous and involve partners that have good qualifications. If
sports
Use synonyms
develops
Correct subject-verb agreement
develop
show examples
 in the country,
people
Use synonyms
's health level will increase and it will affect productivity. Yours faithfully

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task achievement
You have addressed all points in the task prompt adequately. To improve, add more specific details and examples to provide a stronger rationale for why sponsoring the children's sports team is a better option.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your logical structure clearer by using more transitions and linking words. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that there is a clear topic sentence. This will enhance clarity and coherence.
general
Review your grammar and vocabulary. There are some errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved for better clarity and readability.
task achievement
The tone of your writing is respectful and suitable for a formal letter. This is a strong point in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a greeting and a closing, which adds to the coherence of your letter.
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