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Band 7.5

A huge amount of money goes towards children’s education. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#amount #money #children’s #education #countries #government #costs
Governments in some countries spend large amounts of money on children's
education
. I completely agree with
this
 idea that these are the right places the money should be allocated because by
this
 every person has an equal chance to get academic knowledge in the same environment, so
this
 policy has more advantages than disadvantages. There are several reasons why the government should spend money on
education
. The first and foremost reason is that everyone should have equal rights to study. To be more specific, if someone does not have enough cash for tuition at that moment, it is the responsibility of higher authority to treat them fairly.
Secondly
, free
education
 provides poor
as well as
 rich humankind to access schooling. Even though, it will give opportunity to impoverished individuals to start their life in completely different environments.
Additionally
, they would share the same
education
 and spend time together in class.
Thus
, middle-class people do not feel a gap in society.
Apart from
this
, giving
education
 to everyone reduces the crime rate in the nation.
For example
, the German regime spends a huge amount of funds to give
education
 to their country.
Therefore
, the literacy rate is high in Germany and the crime rate is way lower as compared to other territories. To give another advantage of educating the people, they help in the development and growth of the nation. Free
education
 not only can develop the intelligence of the youths but
also
 enhance the civilization level of the whole country in a long-term way.
Therefore
, there are lots of benefits to paying the costs of
education
, and it is certainly outweigh the drawbacks.
However
, higher authorities have to collect large text from the citizens but it is all cost-beneficial in the end.
To conclude
, governance should spend its funds on
education
 but it will be worth it in the future to the
overall
 growth of the country.
Submitted by kaverigoti2209 on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, it can be enhanced by addressing potential disadvantages in more detail to provide a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Work on expanding the use of transitional phrases to ensure a smoother flow between ideas. This will further enhance the logical structure.
general
Avoid some minor grammatical errors and inconsistencies in word choice. Polishing these areas will make your essay more fluent.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples and arguments which support the main points, showing a good level of development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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