Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

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In
this
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era, a smartphone is one of the easiest
tools
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for
children
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to get information. There are many reasons why
children
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spend most of their
time
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every day on their
smartphones
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and how the situation affects their development. In
this
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essay, I will explain how and why with the instances. Some
children
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pay more attention to their
smartphones
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every day because they are very curious about
this
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world and
smartphones
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could answer their questions. They can watch videos on YouTube, read books online, play games, and learn languages too.
Smartphones
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are the easiest access and the cheapest
tools
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which provide any information. For
parents
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,
smartphones
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are alternative
tools
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to make
children
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stay calm, so
parents
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can finish their work.
For example
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, if
children
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cry so much
while
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parents
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have to cook,
parents
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can give their
smartphones
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to
children
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. So
children
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will stop crying and
parents
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can focus on finishing their job. In my opinion,
children
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need to develop their cognitive and social skills. If they spend more
time
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only on
smartphones
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, they will lose their
time
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for socialization and developing their cognitive skills.
For instance
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, at a younger age, they have to use eyeglasses and their motoric development can be affected because of the radiation from
smartphones
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. The
time
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should give
children
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new experiences if they use it for socialization and exploring the world. In conclusion,
smartphones
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are superb
tools
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for
children
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to get information about
this
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world.
However
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, spending hours every day will
give
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have
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them bad impact on cognitive and social skills.
Parents
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can allow
children
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to access
the
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apply
show examples
smartphones
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but should control the
time
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and content.
Submitted by jehanboo on

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task achievement
Ensure to develop main points with specific examples. The essay provided a general overview but lacked specific and convincing examples to reinforce the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph clearly follows from the one before with appropriate use of linking words. While the essay had a basic structure, it needs to employ more cohesive devices effectively.
task achievement
Present both sides of the argument evenly. There is a tendency to focus more on the negative aspects; balance is key to a well-rounded essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and look to enhance lexical resource through varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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