IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well managed. Whta are the advantages and disadvantages?

#places #world #tourism #source #income #whta
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The
development
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 of
tourism
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 in modern times has become a major
growth
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 for the economy of many countries because it is a source of income for them.
Although
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 it is a major of income in some
areas
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 of the world, people
also
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 think that there are some disadvantages in
this
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 sector.
Therefore
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, in
this
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 essay some benefits and drawbacks that I would like to discuss below.
To begin
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 with, the
development
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 of
tourism
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areas
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 requires support from several parties that help in their
growth
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. The government has to take an active role and make some amenities which can make it easier for local residents and tourists in their activities. A good and interesting tourist spot,
such
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 as a culinary festival or music festival can make tourists interested in visiting an area.
However
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, for some people,
tourism
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 is an economic resources that help their finances. Among the downside, the
development
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 of
tourism
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 in some
areas
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 often lacks the quality of the public facilities and is not well maintained which can cause some problems. If the facilities are not properly cared for and maintained by the local government and local residents, it can hinder the
development
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 of
tourism
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 in some
areas
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due to
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 the lack of tourist interest.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 issue can be controlled if proper measures are taken.
To conclude
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, the concern of the government to assist in developing
tourism
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growth
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 is an important role that can make a tourist interested in visiting their area.
Also
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, the local community should maintain public facilities for the benefit of the nation and economic
growth
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.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task response
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the main ideas well. However, the introduction can be further refined by clearly stating the thesis and giving a brief overview of the upcoming points.
task response
While the essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of tourism, offering more specific examples and elaboration would strengthen the arguments. For example, mention specific cases where tourism has either boosted the economy or led to problems.
coherence and cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer structure in body paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and use transition words to maintain a smooth flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Certain sentences could be rephrased for better clarity. For instance, “a major of income” should be “a major source of income.” Paying attention to these minor details will improve readability.
task response
The essay identifies both advantages and disadvantages of tourism, aligning with the task prompt effectively.
task response
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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