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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Some people believe that
extinct
Correct word choice
the extinction
show examples
 of some special animals and plants is the most important problem of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
while
 some people don't agree with
this
 view.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
the extinct
show examples
extinct
Replace the word
extinction
show examples
 of
species
 is really important to our world, I believe that there are more serious environmental problems around us. On the one hand,
vanishing
Correct article usage
the vanishing
show examples
 of
species
 can
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our lives.
Firstly
,
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 chain changes and it
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
 some
species
growth
Replace the word
growing
show examples
 more than they should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. Some unpredictable population
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
growth can be
reverse
Replace the word
reversed
show examples
Correct word choice
or balance
show examples
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
 and they
led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
species
die
Wrong verb form
dying
show examples
.
For instance
, some plants provide living space for other creatures by retaining
water
 with their roots.
Hence
, it prevents drought and
provides
Verb problem
keeps
show examples
 our environment
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in balance. But if they do not keep the
water
 or reduce carbon
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
, our world can be warming day by day and other
species
 can face
to vanish
Change the verb form
vanishing
show examples
 because of global warming and lack of
water
 sources.
On the other hand
, it is perhaps even more important to be aware
other
Change preposition
of other
show examples
 environmental issues.
For example
, our carbon food print
increases
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 compared
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 past decade and it
provides
Verb problem
has caused
show examples
 climate change. Sometimes, we face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
acid
rains
Fix the agreement mistake
rain
show examples
 and
actually
Add a comma
actually,
show examples
 our food quality is too bad for human health.
In addition
,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 no chance to breathe fresh air
due to
 air pollution. In Turkey, we do not use public
water
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 because of contamination of
water
. Human health is in danger because of
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
To sum up
, I can understand the importance of extinct some plants and animals, but it seems to me there are more serious environmental issues to may affect directly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human life.
Submitted by berivan_yilmazz on

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task achievement
Your task response is generally good as you have addressed both views and provided your own opinion. However, try to provide specific examples to support your arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay is logically structured and both an introduction and a conclusion are present. However, some points can be made clearer with better transitions between ideas.
general
Work on sentence structures and grammar to ensure your ideas are communicated more effectively. This will help both task response and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have successfully discussed both views and given your own opinion, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant and your ideas are clear overall.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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