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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
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In
this
 jet-set age, small roadside stop-and-go food cards compete with each other to survive, if they are going to open or not the next day depends on what they make on that day, so
Add an article
the head
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head to-head
Add a hyphen
head-to-head
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 battle is always on in every sector of a business or life, it provides an urge to do better every day. My school of thought finds me in favour of the topic discussed above. To set the wheels in motion, in
this
 contemporary world, only the strong survive the weak once are bullied and thrown away from the big leagues, conducting competitions in schools helps kids acquire traits necessary for the future,they make
mentally
Correct pronoun usage
them mentally
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 tough, diminish the fear of failure at the early age, provides the platform to flourish and teaches them a sense of maturity.
However
, if we consider not having any competitive functions in schools, the significance of being
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 will decrease heavily.
Moreover
 , adults fight to be on the top in their particular job sectors, if
this
 urge decreases
then
 our society will be full of undercooked teenagers. On the dark side, some people advise that there should be a more brotherly environment, which to some can help lagging kids with an atmosphere to flourish. Their school of thought says that head-to-head battles
diminishes
Correct subject-verb agreement
diminish
show examples
 the confidence of young ones or even adults at jobs. To cap it all, the stronger people should carry the weaker ones with them, so later can learn and gain confidence. To encapsulate,after mulling over the facts regarding the positives and negatives of competition in all sectors, it can be said that if one has to become a significant future figure that person has to fight for his existence.
Submitted by singhrajpreet147 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion. However, there are areas where you can improve. Particularly, work on using clearer and more varied vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance your task response.
coherence cohesion
You should ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the preceding one. Use appropriate linking words to create a more cohesive piece of writing.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This could be real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a framing for your argument.
task achievement
You make an effort to discuss both views, showing an understanding of the essay requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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