It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages.
Nowadays,
People
are looking for a
durable work that Correct article usage
apply
let
them have a good balance between Wrong verb form
lets
personal
and Correct pronoun usage
their personal
laboral
Correct your spelling
labour
lives
. Everybody is seeking a
Correct article usage
apply
continous
growth in Correct your spelling
continuous
responsabilities
and salary, but, Correct your spelling
responsibilities
for getting
that, Change preposition
to get
people
need to leave out
their comfort zone with a Change preposition
apply
change
of job. In this
essay
we are going to explain the different advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in professional Add a comma
essay,
lives
that leave people
to get success en
their jobs.
On Change preposition
in
one
hand, there are a lot of feelings in front of a Correct article usage
the one
change
and it does not means
that it is only in professional Change the verb form
mean
lives
, also
it could be happen
in personal Change the verb form
happen
life
where people
have tried to improve their conditions, an important example is when people
try to buy a new car or house, if they do not have enough savings, they need to get a loan in the bank, it means that they are going to pay the credit for some years that reduce their possibilities of get another things. This
feeling could apply in
Change preposition
to
the
workCorrect article usage
apply
,
because in some ways Remove the comma
apply
people
are going to let
behind their comfort zone for an opportunity that could Verb problem
fall
finish
in Verb problem
result
a
success or Correct article usage
apply
a
failure. Correct article usage
apply
Also
, people
are uncertainly
about the Change the word
uncertain
change
and they can feel anxiety for
the challenge. Change preposition
about
At
the end, not all histories have a happy finish and a dream could be involved in a nightmare.
But, Change the preposition
In
on the other
hand
are different Add the comma(s)
hand,
avantages
of Correct your spelling
advantages
change
, people
who get the necessary courage for a change
could be successful in their personal and profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
lives
. Every change
represents a risk and in some ways, when the risk is bigger, the reward is going to be bigger too, that
means that a Correct pronoun usage
which
change
could improve a life
significantly. In addition
, the satisfaction of getting over the fear can change
the way of facing life
.
In conclution
, I Correct your spelling
conclusion
thing
that the advantages are more important than Correct your spelling
think
disadvantages
because the rewards can support the risk that Correct article usage
the disadvantages
people
take in
their hands, but, it is important to say that every Change preposition
into
change
needs to be evaluated with responsability
, Correct your spelling
responsibility
people
need to take only calculated risks and they have to accept that the probabilities of success are going to be higger than the failure. I think that life
is about opportunities and challenges and everybody is in
Verb problem
has
their
right Change the word
the
of
evaluate and decide Change preposition
to
for
a personal way, Change preposition
in
and
it does not Correct word choice
apply
means
that it going to be good or bad, Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
at
the end is the Change preposition
in
life
of each one.
In Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclution
, If they want to get a good opportunityCorrect your spelling
conclusion
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grammar
Make sure to proofread your work to avoid small grammatical errors and typos that can affect clarity, such as 'personal and laboral lives' which should be 'personal and professional lives,' and 'en their jobs,' which should be 'in their jobs.'
coherence
Try to make your transitions between paragraphs smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing personal risks to professional risks could be more fluid.
cohesion
Your conclusion could be more concise and directly aligned with the rest of the essay. Avoid repeating phrases like 'In conclusion' unnecessarily.
task response
Your essay has a solid understanding of the topic and provides a well-rounded discussion on the subject of taking risks.
task response
You provided a good number of relevant examples, especially when discussing loans for purchasing cars or houses.
organization
You attempted an introduction and conclusion, which gives your essay a structured feel.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.