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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged. To what extent do you agree?

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, many believe that more people are getting sick because modern health facilities cannot balance current behaviour.
This
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 is true because there are a lot of new diseases these days that modern medicines cannot cover, a rise in lifestyle-related health issues, and the side effects of long-term medication use.
On the other hand
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, analyzing the impact of traditional pharmaceuticals, which often encompasses physical, emotional, and spiritual, should brought back to
this
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 world. Modern medication is not that good for treating contemporary lifestyle health issues. First of all, new diseases that are related to modern lifestyles,
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, or other diseases
due to
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 sedentary living and stress levels today, cannot be cured yet using current antibiotics.
Second,
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the ineffectiveness of present-day pills in treating chronic conditions will bring another long-term problem to the body.
Therefore
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, these make it clear that today's treatment development is inconsistent with modern lifestyle conditions.
In contrast
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, some people believe that using the back of traditional medication is one of the solutions that we can choose.
For instance
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, someone with a problem with their legs because of an accident can go to yoga therapy to restore the shape of their legs to their original shape.
Besides
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 treating the feet,
this
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 method will
also
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 impact humans emotionally and spiritually because Yoga is one of the best meditations in the world.
Thus
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, it becomes apparent that all ages still use traditional treatment. To summarise, the best way we can try is the integration of traditional and modern medicine practices
due to
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 the disease we want to cure.
Therefore
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, it is
also
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 a clear idea to control the regulation, standardization, and scientific validation of traditional medicine so that the public can widely use it. I believe that the assimilation of traditional and modern medicine will have a good impact on the development of biomedical science.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure in your essay by organizing it into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Introduce each paragraph's main idea early and keep the supporting sentences focused on that idea without straying from the topic.
coherence cohesion
Make effective use of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. Transition smoothly between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through your arguments without confusion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but make sure that your thesis statement is clear in the introduction and that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay without introducing new information.
task achievement
Fully respond to all parts of the task by discussing both sides of the argument and stating your position clearly. Provide a balanced analysis throughout and ensure that you address the question directly.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring that each paragraph explores a single main idea thoroughly before moving on to the next point.
task achievement
Illustrate your points with specific examples. Avoid vague statements and use concrete examples to make your arguments more persuasive and credible.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • chronic conditions
  • holistic approach
  • preventive care
  • natural remedies
  • cultural heritage
  • ancestral knowledge
  • integration
  • complementary healthcare
  • regulation
  • standardization
  • scientific validation
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