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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph shows the number of deaths caused by terrorist attacks in three countries between 2011 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the number of deaths caused by terrorist attacks in three countries between 2011 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#deaths #attacks #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line graph illustrates the
deaths
 caused by terrorism between 2011 and 2015 in three Middle East countries i.e., Afghanistan, Iraq and
Nigeria
.
Overall
, Iraq and
Nigeria
 recorded the most number of
deaths
. In Afghanistan the total
deaths
 accounted for less than 6,000 throughout the years,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 the death toll in
Nigeria
 fell
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 5,000 by the end of 2015. In the initial year of 2011, all three countries lost the same number (around 3,000
deaths
) of people
due to
 terrorist attacks.
Moreover
, it can be seen that the terror attacks in Iraq rose rapidly in comparison to the other two countries,
this
 trend increased by 1,000
deaths
 per year till 2014 with
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
deaths
 of around 9,000 population and by the year 2015, the
deaths
due to
 terrorist attacks decreased by around 7,000.
Nigeria
 recorded the second highest
deaths
 among the general population in the span of 2012-2014. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
deaths
 significantly
arise
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 after 2013, marking
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than 7,000
deaths
 till 2014. The citizens of Afghanistan encountered
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
 until 2013,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the
death
Fix the agreement mistake
number of deaths
show examples
 increased by
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
, by the end of 2015,
as a result
 of
wide spread
Correct your spelling
widespread
show examples
 terrorism, more than 5,000
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 lost their lives.
Submitted by patelvaibhav1463 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words deaths, nigeria with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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