These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be reason for this? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

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It is true in the present era, more and more fathers are concerned about their
children
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,
while
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mothers tend to their occupations.
This
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essay will delve into
this
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phenomenon, mention the reasons and the cons behind
this
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issue, and support the relevant examples and insights. On the one hand, there are several causes of
this
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trend. First and foremost, currently, the lifestyle become expensive and large fractions of
parents
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can not live in one salary. To illustrate more, a study published at the University of Nizwa in 2018 showed several women in
this
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administration work to introduce assistance to their families,
however
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, they have an adequate salary per month.
In addition
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, another reason for staying fathers at home is the crucial role of fatherhood. To demonstrate , more and more
parents
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are interested in their
children
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and a lot of them believe
parents
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have a responsibility toward sons and daughters.
For instance
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, my older brother works a shift,
thus
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, he stays at home with his son. Whilst, her wife works in school in the morning as a teacher. The Omani Educational Association indicated a lot of teachers in Oman work almost eight hours and they depend on their husbands at home over
this
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period.
On the other hand
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, individuals believe
this
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event has almost several advantages.
Firstly
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,
this
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atmosphere of care creates a close family. In more detail, all of the members play an essential role in the family.
Additionally
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, a sense of love appears in a close family. A report by the UNESCO survey showed that 90% of cooperating
parents
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could acquire numerous skills with their
children
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,
for example
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, clear speech and trust. In conclusion, I am convinced
this
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phenomenon has huge challenges,
however
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, I totally agree that the outcomes are not limited to the family only but
also
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have a profound impact on society.
Therefore
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, the government should encourage
parents
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to take adequate time for their
children
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and raise awareness among them.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides reasons and insights, but the arguments could be expanded with more detailed explanations and examples to enhance understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Transition words can help guide the reader through your ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical accuracy and clarity as there are a few minor errors. Correcting these will strengthen your overall argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and explains both sides, which is a strong approach for argumentative writing.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the mention of your brother and the study from the University of Nizwa, adds credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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