IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

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Nowadays the population in metropolises has increased, and
although
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 there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of
this
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 trend, governments can take steps to mitigate these potential problems. As for crowded cities, several related issues can be anticipated. The main problem is
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams. To elaborate, increasing the population leads to increasing use of own cars, so the
traffic
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 will be expanded.
In addition
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,
due to
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 more use of cars air pollution will be increased. Another potential problem is the lack of public facilities for
this
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 congestion.
Therefore
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, public places
such
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 as hospitals and schools are encountered with overloaded populations that there are not enough spaces and facilities to manage
crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
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. The same problem will be generated in public
transportation
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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, there are potential ways to solve these problems, or at least to reduce the effect.
First,
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governments should plan to improve the infrastructure of streets and roads by widening them,
moreover
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, new highways should be constructed to reduce the
traffic
Use synonyms
 jam.
In addition
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, by using the new vertical gardening techniques which can be performed in each structure, new plants are grown to mitigate air pollution. Another possible solution is investing and establishing more public facilities. Meanwhile, extra schools and hospitals should be implemented to manage the demands,
also
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 the accessibility of local
transportation
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 should be easier
for instance
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 by adding new bus stations or decreasing waiting time in the stations.
Hence
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,
due to
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 the comfort of local
transportation
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, individuals prefer to use them. So, by improving the conditions of local
transportation
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 not only the congestion will be decreased, but
also
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 the
traffic
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 jams will be reduced. In conclusion,
although
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 metropolises’ overpopulation is a serious issue there are steps that governments can take to reduce its negative results,
such
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 as developing the urban infrastructure including streets and public
transportation
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, and
also
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 creating new green space.

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task achievement
Ensure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning particular cities where these problems are prominent will add more depth.
coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the flow of ideas and make the essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-organized structure, with an effective introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported, and the essay fully addresses the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • strain on infrastructure
  • public services
  • overcrowded
  • inadequate healthcare services
  • pressure on educational institutions
  • environmental impact
  • increased pollution
  • waste management
  • destruction of green spaces
  • natural habitats
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