IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Population are growing in cities rapidly. What are the effects of it. What solution can you give to maintain a goood quality of life in urban cities.

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Nowadays, more and more individuals tend to live in more developed cities.
While
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 the issue of
urbanization
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 leads to poor quality of
life
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 and air pollution, It could be solved by improving levels of
life
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 in the countryside. One of the main damage caused by
urbanization
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 is overpopulation in monopolies. The huge amount of inhabitants concentrated in an area would not be provided by
such
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 services as public transport or healthcare.
As a consequence
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, the standards of both native citizens and villagers' lives would decrease.
In addition
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 to
this
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, it may lead to air pollution, since there would increase in the demand for transport which can damage t he environment.
For example
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, when there is a problem with
urbanization
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, there are
as well as
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 complaints about poor services and standards of
life
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. There are
also
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 increased cases of diseases
such
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 as asthma caused by polluted air.
Thus
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,
urbanization
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 leads to several impacts both on inhabitants and nature.
Although
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 there is a list of damages
as a result
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 of overpopulation, it could be solved by improving the level of
life
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 in rural regions. If there were established more entertainments or opportunities, villagers would not move to monopolies. They would have better opportunities in their occupations
as well as
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 feeling of proud their hometown.
Moreover
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, they would stay in regions and encourage their future generation to do so.
For instance
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, when there are more constructions like business centres or hospitals, livers would not like to leave their hometown.
To conclude
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, the issue of
urbanization
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 leads to a decrease in the quality of capital, which could be solved by manufacturing entertainment in small towns. If governments paid more attention to
this
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 field, individuals would not move to big cities

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific details and examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific cases of urban issues or successful rural development projects would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Double-check your essay for small grammatical and phrasing errors. Improving the accuracy of language used can make your points clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which enhances readability and ensures that your main message is communicated effectively.
task achievement
You have identified key issues related to urbanization and proposed viable solutions, showing a good understanding of the topic.
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