Many governments spend money on things like museums, art gallerys, music and theatres. They believe it is a waste of money. They think that Governments must invest money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The world today has changed , and that includes how the
government
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spend their
money
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. Some people think that the
government
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should spend
money
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on the arts and museums.
While
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others think that the
government
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should spend
money
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on public services . I partially agree with
this
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statement.
This
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essay will provide evidence to support my point of view. On the one hand, I completely disagree that spending
money
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on
art
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, music and museums is a waste of
money
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. First , these protect the history and culture of a country .
For example
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, if the
government
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spends
money
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on museums, it will display both culture and history . Second , spending
money
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on
art
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can contribute to tourism .
For instance
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, if the
government
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spends
money
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on
art
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, it could attract tourists .
Moreover
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,
this
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is actually an investment .
Finally
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, music can make people's lives better. It
thus
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helps people to relax , and
this
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will improve their mental health.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, I totally agree that the
government
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needs to spend more
money
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on public services . First , healthcare is essential for the health and wellness of everybody .
For example
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, hospitals and health clinics must be financially supported. Second, the
government
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should focus on spending
money
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on education. Building schools and hiring qualified teachers is necessary.
Finally
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, there should be increased spending in the police department.
This
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is the most important service
as
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, as
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safety and protection are a priority. In conclusion , governments must spend their
money
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wisely. Spending on
art
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and culturally related themes is necessary in any society. I believe
this
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is a necessary expense and not a waste of
money
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.
However
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, I do agree that more
money
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also
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needs to be spent on public services.

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task
You show you partly agree. Make your main point clear in the opening and in your last sentence.
task
Give stronger, clear examples for each point and keep them tied to your view.
coherence
Use more links to show how ideas fit together, e.g., also, but, for example, in addition.
coherence
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence and keep sentences short to help flow.
content
You state your view and keep a balance of ideas.
content
You give ideas about culture, health and safety.
content
You use examples, like museums and hospitals, to support points.
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