IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the contemporary era, transportation is the leading means by which goods and services get to their final destination.
However
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, there is currently a debate that a different mode of
transport
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 should be established and global
regulations
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 should be enacted to control the ownership of vehicles
as well as
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 their uses. In my opinion, I completely agree that the overpopulation and reliance
of
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on
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cars
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 is the cause of major
traffic
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 on the roads and contributing factor to climate change.
To begin
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 with,
car
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 ownership in Britain has rapidly skyrocketed since 1888, when the first
car
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 first appeared on the road. The
car
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 is one of the fastest ways by which a lot of people get to work and move around because it is convenient, but its enormous
use
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 has contributed to the leading cause of
traffic
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 on British roads.
For example
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,
traffic
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 data count data presented by a road
transport
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 team in London revealed that
traffic
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 on major roads has caused a lot of people to arrive home late.
Hence
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, government authorities should educate and grant funds to create another means of
transport
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such
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 as walking or using the railway line.
Furthermore
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, the population growth in the
use
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 of
cars
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 is
also
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 a contributing factor to climate change.
This
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 is to say that, when a
car
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 uses biofuel
also
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 known as ethanol
this
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 smoke is released back into the atmosphere which produces carbon dioxide back into the air.
In contrast
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, if international
regulations
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 are passed into law to encourage citizens to
use
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 other means of transportation, the implication of the zone layer will be reduced.
For example
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, about 60 per cent of people in the UK own more than 3
cars
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,
this
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 is a leading factor that contributes to the cause of climate change.
Hence
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, rules and
regulations
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 can help reduce carbon footprints.
To conclude
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,
although
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 the
use
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 of
cars
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 in the future is very paramount for delivering products faster.
However
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, the government should do more to reduce the negative effects by funding another form of
transport
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 to reduce the reliance on
cars
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 in the future, and citizens should respect laws and
regulations
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 to promote a positive environment in society.

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task achievement
You have provided a clear stance on the topic and supported your points, but you should work on supporting each point with more detailed and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, but ensure smooth transitions between ideas by using linking words for better coherence and cohesion.
language
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures for higher impact.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, clearly stating your opinion.
task achievement
You have made a good effort in presenting both the consequence of car overpopulation and a viable solution.
conclusion
Your conclusion neatly summarizes your main points and reiterates your position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance on
  • regulate
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • public health
  • sustainable development
  • alternative forms of transport
  • car ownership
  • balancing benefits and drawbacks
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