IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

It is better to run your own business than to work for someone else. To what extent do yo agree or disagree?

#business #work #someone #yo
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Numerous individuals argue that running your own
business
Use synonyms
 is better than working for a
company
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. I largely agree with those who prefer to work for themselves, but there are a number of arguments in favour of the opposite point of view. In
this
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 essay, I plan to explore both ideas and bring a few examples. On the one hand, owning a
business
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 is a privilege not available to everyone. To elaborate, a real businessman must have certain qualities, an analytical mind and management skills.
For example
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, my father-in-law has described and
due to
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 them, he was able to launch his own shop chain in my country. Needless to say, owning a
company
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 gives the owner freedom of working hours and days, a sense of self-confidence and success,
as well as
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 the opportunity to have a fairly decent income.
For example
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, the head of the
company
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 I currently work for has a well-known
company
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 in Canada and significant profits. Obviously, these facts make him a successful person.
On the other hand
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, being a full-time employee of a
company
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 means not worrying about financial plans and not thinking about the risks that accompany any
business
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.
Moreover
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, an employee has a stable salary, and,
consequently
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, a stable living standard. If a person is satisfied with his income, he will be probably happy. If not, he has a chance to seek for more profitable job, which is easier than to reform a whole
business
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. In conclusion,
although
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 working in a
company
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 and earning a stable salary is more suitable for most people, still, having your own
company
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 provides more benefits to the owner, despite all the challenges and risks associated with it.
Submitted by ruben.kirakosyan on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay effectively introduces the topic and concludes with a clear stance, which is great for coherence. To further improve, try to ensure a smoother transition between the introduction of new ideas or paragraphs for enhanced flow.
Task Achievement
You've done well to answer the question comprehensively, including relevant examples. Consider exploring counterarguments in more depth to strengthen your task response. Besides, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single idea will enhance clarity and consistency.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • flexibility
  • decision-making
  • learning curve
  • personal growth
  • potential
  • income
  • risk
  • challenge
  • ownership
  • security
  • benefits
  • employment
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
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