Write about the following topic: Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Many people believe that junk
foods
can have detrimental effects on both the individual and society as a whole. They think a solution to this
problem would be to add a charge to these items at purchase, whereas
others think this
is unjust. In my opinion, there is a valid argument for both considerations.
To distinguish between certain foods
enjoyed by groups of people can be considered discrimination. Those who enjoy partaking in unhealthy eating, do so to themselves without hurting others, therefore
they should not be marginalised for their choices. Moreover
, there is also
an issue of where the threshold lies to consider food groups to be unhealthy. For example
, a vegan can be versed on the studies to show that meat is damaging to the human body, whereas
a carnivore can produce articles which show how much good the consumption of the same items can do. There are conflicting beliefs and information and therefore
without a suitable boundary, it is impossible to say which foods
should be taxed and which should not.
However
, there is also
the logic that those who eat unhealthy foods
will feed their loved ones the same dishes. This
applies to children who do not have a say in what food is put on the table. For instance
, a child who is brought up on crisps and fizzy drinks will have consumed many more preservatives and chemicals than a child who is given fresh fruit and vegetables. This
is not the action of the children, but of the caretakers and therefore
taxing such
items may deter them from purchasing it.
In conclusion, I believe that if there is a viable understanding of which foods
fall into which classification, there should be a charge added to the unhealthy category. This
can force people to be more mindful when choosing what should be consumed, allowing for a healthier society.Submitted by Mangalakumaran.sangeetha on
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coherence cohesion
One area to improve is the logical structure of the essay. Try to make sure that the arguments and counterarguments flow more seamlessly into each other. For example, when transitioning from discussing why a 'fat tax' is unfair to why it could be beneficial, use signposting words or phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Conversely.'
task achievement
While the essay offers a balanced view, it would benefit from incorporating additional, more compelling examples. Concrete examples, perhaps from studies or real-life statistics, could strengthen the position you are advocating for. Additionally, try to elaborate slightly more on each point to ensure absolute clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, making it clear what your position is. This adds strength to your overall argument.
task achievement
You offer a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument, which enriches the discussion and shows critical thinking.