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Band 5.5

Some people say that schools should teach good behavior to children and introduce them to right and wrong. Parents should not only be the ones responsible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #behavior #children #right #parents #ones
Many people believe that kids who study at
school
 might learn good behaviour and be taught about right and wrong
things
, it without to require not only from
parents
. I partly agree that
school
 is somewhere where
children
 learn first
things
 and teachers should be an
example
 of good demeanour.
Firstly
, the personality of
children
 is being formed in
school
, not with
school
 programmes and a lesson about family values. The teachers affect the pupils as an
example
 of a great person.
For
example
, they spend their time with learners and they want to be like them and to try to do like them.
In addition
, good behaviour depends on the classmates of a child in
school
. Working with them every day
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 creates a connection with co-workers.
For instance
, before meeting a
teacher
, they meet classmates and talk with them.
However
, I partly disagree that
parents
 should teach them about good and wrong
things
 before going to
school
. Meanwhile,
parents
 are
also
 an
example
 of good behaviour. To give an
example
, a child repeats
things
 outside of what
parents
 do. Some
children
 are not even listening to what the
teacher
 says so how does the
teacher
 teach them that? Some
children
 respect just their
parents
, which is not good but the truth.
For instance
, there are more than 20 pupils in the class who teach
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
only one
teacher
. To come to an end
parents
 are responsible for their
children
 and
also
 how to teach their
children
 how to behave properly. It could make the life of the
parents
 easier.
Submitted by balaubejsen on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the issue and forecasts the main points that will be discussed. This will make your essay more coherent and set clear expectations for the reader.
clear comprehensive ideas
Elaborate more on your main points and provide clearer, more specific examples. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
logical structure
Try to avoid fragmented or awkwardly constructed sentences, and ensure a smooth flow between ideas. Using transitional phrases can help achieve better coherence.
complete response
You have provided a balanced view, addressing both sides of the argument and providing reasons for partial agreement and disagreement.
relevant specific examples
The examples given, such as the influence of teachers and parents on children’s behavior, are relevant and help to substantiate your points.
logical structure
Your essay follows a logical structure overall, with clear paragraphing and topic sentences that introduce the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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