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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries i the world people buy clothes and choose hair styles according to latest fashion. why is this happening? is this a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #clothes #hair #styles #fashion #development
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There is no denying the fact that in life humans utilize
clothes
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 and choose
hairstyles
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Fashion
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 is essential. The benefits of buying
clothes
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 and choosing
hairstyles
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 in the
city
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 have increased in recent years. It is useful to use wonderful
clothes
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 trend of
people
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. In
this
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 essay, the two viewpoints will be argued.
To begin
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, on the one hand, some
people
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 believe that there are many different advantages of trend
fashion
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 of
clothes
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 in the
city
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. The initial one to consider is that some citizens support buying modern
clothes
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 because it is better for behaviour and
also
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 looks.
In other words
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, when some boys and girls wear fashionable
clothes
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, they can obtain power, and energy and feel over the moon.
Moreover
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, some humans generate amazing trend
fashion
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clothes
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 and choose
hairstyles
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 that are costly because they educate
children
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 to get new information about modern
clothes
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 and attract boys and girls to show the details around
clothes
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 and modern
hairstyles
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 . A study published by New York University concluded that 90% of
people
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 in recent years in the
city
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 have bought modern
clothes
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 for young
people
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 and
children
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.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, it is believed by some citizens there are many different negatives of
fashion
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clothes
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 for
people
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. First of all, some humans can't buy trendy
clothes
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 on social media for their
children
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 because it is not basic
to
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apply
show examples
they find and
also
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 do not have more finances. In other words, we should supply a lot of money to receive poor
people
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 in many countries.
For example
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, studies say these days
people
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 are increasing in the
city
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 to improve citizens make better
clothes
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 for poor
children
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. In conclusion, there are no basic answers to
this
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 topic.
people
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 have difficult views. From my own personal point of view, a lot of
people
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 need more information about
fashion
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clothes
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. It is better to exchange our experience about
this
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 issue.
Submitted by shaikhaalrashidi24 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt but lacks depth in exploring the reasons behind the trend and its implications. Including more relevant, specific examples will help strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas. The progression between points can be smoother, ensuring that each paragraph transitions logically from one idea to the next. Using linking words effectively will enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Expand the introduction to better set the context for the essay. Introduce the topic in a broader sense before narrowing it down. Similarly, the conclusion can be slightly more detailed to reflect on the main points discussed and provide a definite stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a structured approach with clear paragraphs dedicated to different viewpoints. This is a positive aspect and shows the ability to present balanced arguments.
task achievement
There are attempts to support main points with examples, such as referring to studies and surveys. This is good practice as it adds credibility to your arguments.
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