It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenager. Therefore , Physical education and sport should be compulsory for all the students in all school. What do you think?

Taking part in regular exercises is crucial for the healthy personal development of children and teenagers. I believe that educating young adults about physical fitness and sports is crucial. And should be made compulsory. As it spreads awareness for the same.
This
essay will explore reasons why I believe that physical
education
should be made compulsory with suitable examples.
To begin
with, growing up as a teenager or as a young adult often feels weak and to overcome
this
, children opt
to
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for
show examples
different workouts to get in shape,
such
as running and lifting weights
on-the-go
Correct your spelling
on the go
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.
This
might not be safe for everyone considering and can cause long-term medical complications
as a result
of
wrong
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the wrong
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technique.
Furthermore
,
due to
the lack of awareness and
education
about fitness and ways of living a healthy
lifestyle
, many obese students
fails
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fail
show examples
to reduce their weight, resulting in anxiety, depression and affected personality. Teaching physical
education
as a compulsory subject would spread awareness about the importance of diet, sleep, calorie expenditure and consistency to live a healthy
lifestyle
and motivate students to work on attaining their dream body shape and
in
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apply
show examples
maintaining their healthy
lifestyle
.
Moreover
, in
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
generation
Add a comma
generation,
show examples
a stagnant rise in
obese
Correct article usage
the obese
show examples
population is observed
due to
the negative impact of technological advancement and fast-food companies. To put things into perspective primarily, the current generation
prefer
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prefers
show examples
fast-food
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fast food
show examples
over
any
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apply
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healthy food because of its addicting taste.
However
,
this
food lacks nutrition.
Therefore
, becoming a primary cause of long-term medical conditions
such
as heart conditions.
Secondly
, the technological advancements and its addicting content cause a consistent release of dopamine causing mental fatigue and lack of motivation towards improving their
lifestyle
.
Thus
,
educating
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apply
show examples
physical
education
is a crucial step in reducing the number of obese people in
the
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apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, I believe that considering the rising mental health issues, and unhealthy
lifestyle
. I believe that teaching physical
education
can make a significant difference and making
this
subject compulsory could become a major factor against unhealthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
and in improving mental health issues.
Submitted by nick on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively. However, try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific studies or statistics regarding the benefits of physical education.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but working on more precise language and diverse vocabulary could enhance your essay's clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, use more connectives and transitional phrases to link your points better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph thoroughly supports a single main idea. Some points could be expanded upon or made more concise to avoid redundancy.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, effectively framing your argument.
complete response
The essay covers most aspects of the task, presenting a clear viewpoint on the importance of physical education.
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