It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenager. Therefore , Physical education and sport should be compulsory for all the students in all school. What do you think?
Taking part in regular exercises is crucial for the healthy personal development of children and teenagers. I believe that educating young adults about physical fitness and sports is crucial. And should be made compulsory. As it spreads awareness for the same.
This
essay will explore reasons why I believe that physical education
should be made compulsory with suitable examples.
To begin
with, growing up as a teenager or as a young adult often feels weak and to overcome this
, children opt to
different workouts to get in shape, Change preposition
for
such
as running and lifting weights on-the-go
. Correct your spelling
on the go
This
might not be safe for everyone considering and can cause long-term medical complications as a result
of wrong
technique. Correct article usage
the wrong
Furthermore
, due to
the lack of awareness and education
about fitness and ways of living a healthy lifestyle
, many obese students fails
to reduce their weight, resulting in anxiety, depression and affected personality. Teaching physical Change the verb form
fail
education
as a compulsory subject would spread awareness about the importance of diet, sleep, calorie expenditure and consistency to live a healthy lifestyle
and motivate students to work on attaining their dream body shape and in
maintaining their healthy Change preposition
apply
lifestyle
.
Moreover
, in current
Correct article usage
the current
generation
a stagnant rise in Add a comma
generation,
obese
population is observed Correct article usage
the obese
due to
the negative impact of technological advancement and fast-food companies. To put things into perspective primarily, the current generation prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
fast-food
over Correct your spelling
fast food
any
healthy food because of its addicting taste. Correct quantifier usage
apply
However
, this
food lacks nutrition. Therefore
, becoming a primary cause of long-term medical conditions such
as heart conditions. Secondly
, the technological advancements and its addicting content cause a consistent release of dopamine causing mental fatigue and lack of motivation towards improving their lifestyle
. Thus
, educating
physical Verb problem
apply
education
is a crucial step in reducing the number of obese people in the
society.
In conclusion, I believe that considering the rising mental health issues, and unhealthy Correct article usage
apply
lifestyle
. I believe that teaching physical education
can make a significant difference and making this
subject compulsory could become a major factor against unhealthy lifestyle
and in improving mental health issues.Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
Submitted by nick
on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively. However, try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific studies or statistics regarding the benefits of physical education.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but working on more precise language and diverse vocabulary could enhance your essay's clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, use more connectives and transitional phrases to link your points better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph thoroughly supports a single main idea. Some points could be expanded upon or made more concise to avoid redundancy.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, effectively framing your argument.
complete response
The essay covers most aspects of the task, presenting a clear viewpoint on the importance of physical education.