IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenager. Therefore , Physical education and sport should be compulsory for all the students in all school. What do you think?

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Taking part in regular exercises is crucial for the healthy personal development of children and teenagers. I believe that educating young adults about physical fitness and sports is crucial. And should be made compulsory. As it spreads awareness for the same.
This
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 essay will explore reasons why I believe that physical
education
Use synonyms
 should be made compulsory with suitable examples.
To begin
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 with, growing up as a teenager or as a young adult often feels weak and to overcome
this
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, children opt
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 different workouts to get in shape,
such
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 as running and lifting weights
on-the-go
Correct your spelling
on the go
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.
This
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 might not be safe for everyone considering and can cause long-term medical complications
as a result
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 of
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 technique.
Furthermore
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,
due to
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 the lack of awareness and
education
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 about fitness and ways of living a healthy
lifestyle
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, many obese students
fails
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fail
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 to reduce their weight, resulting in anxiety, depression and affected personality. Teaching physical
education
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 as a compulsory subject would spread awareness about the importance of diet, sleep, calorie expenditure and consistency to live a healthy
lifestyle
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 and motivate students to work on attaining their dream body shape and
in
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apply
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maintaining their healthy
lifestyle
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.
Moreover
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, in
current
Correct article usage
the current
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generation
Add a comma
generation,
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 a stagnant rise in
obese
Correct article usage
the obese
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 population is observed
due to
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 the negative impact of technological advancement and fast-food companies. To put things into perspective primarily, the current generation
prefer
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prefers
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fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
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 over
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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healthy food because of its addicting taste.
However
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,
this
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 food lacks nutrition.
Therefore
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, becoming a primary cause of long-term medical conditions
such
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 as heart conditions.
Secondly
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, the technological advancements and its addicting content cause a consistent release of dopamine causing mental fatigue and lack of motivation towards improving their
lifestyle
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.
Thus
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,
educating
Verb problem
apply
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physical
education
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 is a crucial step in reducing the number of obese people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. In conclusion, I believe that considering the rising mental health issues, and unhealthy
lifestyle
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. I believe that teaching physical
education
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 can make a significant difference and making
this
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 subject compulsory could become a major factor against unhealthy
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 and in improving mental health issues.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively. However, try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific studies or statistics regarding the benefits of physical education.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but working on more precise language and diverse vocabulary could enhance your essay's clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, use more connectives and transitional phrases to link your points better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph thoroughly supports a single main idea. Some points could be expanded upon or made more concise to avoid redundancy.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, effectively framing your argument.
complete response
The essay covers most aspects of the task, presenting a clear viewpoint on the importance of physical education.
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