ou should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
In
this
modern society , there is no doubt that childrens
are spending more time Correct your spelling
children
in
playing Change preposition
apply
video
games
and some people say that playing violent games
is the reason for the increase in violence and crime in the
society . In Correct article usage
apply
this
essay,I will discuss my opinion with some examples from the Newspaper and journals.
To begin
with , First and foremost ,These days young kids are addicted to play
Change the verb form
playing
games
on mobile and computer
because of Fix the agreement mistake
computers
this
addiction they are not able to concentrate on studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
as
a result they won't get good grades in their academic session . Correct word choice
and as
Moreover
,this
habit also
affecting on
their Wrong verb form
affects
mind health
and physical health . Correct word choice
mental
For Example
, a survey done by the Times of India revealed that 80% of Childrens
Correct your spelling
children
are
like to play Unnecessary verb
apply
games
on computers rather than outdoor games
. they easily get frustrate
and Wrong verb form
frustrated
loose
their temper Replace the word
lose
on
their parents and friends and they are Change preposition
with
also
suffering from diseases such
as obesity etc because of lack of physical activity.
Secondly
, Nowadays, many games
are violent and children are using abusive languages
Fix the agreement mistake
language
while
playing these games
. If they use such
violent and abusive words in the
society Correct article usage
apply
then
nobody will accept this
behaviour . Later ,they will feel isolated and it can be a cause of depression and stress among video
games
Fix the agreement mistake
game
holic
kids. Because of Correct word choice
apply
depression
they can commit Add a comma
depression,
crime
.
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
To conclude
, Children should play video
games
on mobile for fun and relax
, but they should not get addicted to Replace the word
relaxation
video
games
. I believe that parents and teachers should encourage childrens
to play outdoor Correct your spelling
children
games
.Submitted by preetiaug25 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces the topic and presents a thesis statement outlining your main arguments. Strive for a more balanced structure with distinctly presented points.
coherence cohesion
Work on logically organizing your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, and all sentences should relate to that idea. Transitions between paragraphs and sentences should be smooth and purposeful.
coherence cohesion
In your body paragraphs, support your main points with specific examples or evidence. If you mention a survey or report, provide more detailed information to enhance credibility.
task achievement
Address the task directly by presenting a nuanced argument. You should explore both sides of the issue, provide in-depth analysis, and develop a clear position in response to the prompt.
task achievement
Aim for clarity in expressing your ideas. Be precise and avoid general statements. Provide thorough explanations and delve deeper into the reasons behind the opinions stated in your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate a broader range of relevant examples that are specific and detailed. These could come from your own experience, reliable sources, or hypothetical situations that directly relate to the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example