Some people think that the teenager years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There has been a constant debate about the happiest time in people's lives. Some people believe that it is teenage years that bring the most joy,
while
others think it is adult
life
indeed. In
this
essay, I will elaborate more on both views and give my personal opinion. On the one hand, some individuals believe that teenage years are the happiest period of time in
life
. It is true that at
this
age,
teenagers
don't have
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
responsibilities in
life
, with most of the bills paid by their guardians. It is true that studies in developmental psychology indicate that the adolescent brain is still maturing, particularly in areas related to decision-making and stress management.
As a result
,
teenagers
might not fully grasp or feel the weight of responsibilities that come with adulthood, contributing to a greater sense of happiness and freedom. There are
also
rules or laws that limit teens from having too much responsibility.
Teenagers
typically do not have to worry about paying taxes, utility bills, rent, mortgages, or other recurring financial obligations. These responsibilities are usually managed by their parents or guardians. The absence of these financial burdens allows
teenagers
to focus on school, hobbies, and social
life
without the constant pressure of meeting financial deadlines, which can lead to greater happiness.
Thus
, it is understandable that many regard
teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
show examples
years as
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
enjoyable.
On the other hand
, others think that
adults
are happier than teens for some
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
. It has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
a fact that
adults
have the autonomy to make their own decisions regarding their lives, careers, and relationships.
This
level of control can lead to a strong sense of satisfaction and
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
, as
adults
can shape their own futures and pursue their goals without the restrictions often placed on
teenagers
by parents, schools, or societal expectations. And
although
managing finances can be stressful, it
also
offers
adults
a sense of independence and empowerment. Being able to earn, save, and spend money as they see fit can provide a significant source of happiness.
Adults
can
also
invest in experiences or possessions that bring them joy,
such
as
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, hobbies, or homeownership, which are often out of reach for
teenagers
. In conclusion, I think both sides have their own reasons to be joyful.
Teenagers
do not have much burden in
life
,
while
adults
have the freedom that teens rarely experience.
As a result
, I stand partly in
this
debate and believe that the important thing is for both sides to find joy in their own lives in order to live
life
to the fullest.
Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on

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task achievement
While your essay provides a balanced discussion of both views and offers a clear opinion, elaborating a bit more on specific examples would strengthen your argument. Including concrete instances or studies can elevate the effectiveness of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work on making smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow. This will improve the readability and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using more advanced vocabulary to add depth to your language. This will not only make your essay more engaging but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view on both sides of the argument, which shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in guiding the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You clearly presented your opinion while also considering alternative viewpoints, demonstrating an ability to engage with different perspectives.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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