IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?

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These days, it is a common concern that many students find it hard to focus and pay
attention
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 to their studies at school. I believe that
this
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 situation is
due to
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 a combination of reasons and solutions will be provided in
this
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 essay. One of the main reasons is the prevalence of digital distractions. To be more specific, in today’s technological world,
children
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 are often exposed to various kinds of digital
devices
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 and entertainment, which could be highly addictive to
children
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. If schools do not ban these electronic
devices
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,
children
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 will play with them during classes, and can easily capture the
attention
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 of students. Another reason is that, the lack of interesting and attractive teaching methods. In
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, if the lessons are not presented in an exciting way,
children
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 may easily lose interest and struggle to pay close
attention
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 to the classes.
Additionally
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, environmental factors are
also
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 unfriendly to their
attention
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. One living proof is that, a noisy classroom or uncomfortable seats. In order to address
this
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 problem, several measures can be taken.
Firstly
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, parents and teachers can limit the usage of electronic
devices
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 for
children
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 by setting up clear rules or restricting screen time.
This
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 can help reduce distractions and focus more on their study.
Secondly
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, teachers should go to great lengths to improve the quality.
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, they can add more physical activities and use different teaching tools.
Moreover
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, the school can relieve the level of noise and arrange the
children
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’s seats in a more reasonable way. In conclusion, digital
devices
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, boring courses and uncomfortable environments are all factors that might make it difficult for students to concentrate.
However
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, if schools could prevent digital distractions and make the courses more exciting, the classroom would be
more
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quieter and
this
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 would make
children
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 pay
attention
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 to the lectures.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating a bit more on each point to provide deeper insights and possibly more examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining sentence structures to ensure a smoother flow between ideas. Avoid minor grammatical errors for further improvement.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your main points.
task achievement
You provided a complete response to the prompt, addressing both the reasons and solutions.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported and relevant throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Attention span
  • Cognitive function
  • Digital devices
  • Screen time
  • Physical activity
  • Concentration
  • Nutrition
  • Processed foods
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Mental health
  • Academic performance
  • Classroom environment
  • Teaching assistants
What to do next:
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