In some coutries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them
A number of individuals are suffering from weight gain issues which is why their health grade is affected detrimentally . The main reason behind
this
is the increase in sedentary nature and preference for junk food. However
, the solution would be the conduction of sports education for younger and by raising awareness in the community.
The primary cause of unfitness is the working behaviour of officers as the majority of them have to work in front of their laptops for about 10 hours consecutively, which can damage their body shape and the consequences are obesity and diabetes. Moreover
, a number of folks dislike the healthy diet plan, they favour spicy burgers rather than homemade, even though in their leisure time Millennials always have a weekend plan to visit a cafe or a restaurant.
Furthermore
, it can be settled by learning the significance of exercise at the school level. Teacher should assign some physical tasks with their compulsory homework, such
activities would encourage them to live a happy life. In addition
, public campaigns and poster displays could also
minimize the rate of diseases. For example
, leading research in America has shown that, in 2002, multinational companies introduced gyms and concluded that 35 per cent of workers became habitual of that.
In conclusion, although
working from home and seated- habits are taking part in imperfect trimming as well as
ready meals, the multiple seminars on education level and advertisements on social sites could reduce the risk of toxic indisposition, which would be beneficial for both teenagers and old ages.Submitted by iqrariaz54 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to enhance the logical flow between your ideas and use more transitional phrases. For example, instead of saying 'The primary cause of unfitness', you could use 'Firstly, the primary cause of unfitness is...' to signal a clear transition.
task achievement
In terms of task response, your response is mostly complete, but ensuring that each argument is thoroughly developed and supported with examples will improve your score. For instance, you could elaborate further on how sedentary behavior leads to specific health problems.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and keep the reader engaged. This includes combining shorter sentences for a more fluid reading experience.
task achievement
Enhance task achievement by integrating more specific and relevant examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments. For instance, when discussing the effects of junk food, you could include data on increased calorie consumption or specific health outcomes.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and set the stage for your arguments well. This is crucial for guiding the reader through your essay and ensuring your points are well-understood.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question effectively, discussing causes and solutions, which demonstrates a complete task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for causes and solutions, enhancing readability.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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