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Band 5

Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

#people #aim #balance #work #parts #lives
An increasing concern of many
people
 around the world is
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
show examples
 to
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
 equality between
work
 and personal
life
 but only
little
Correct word choice
a small
show examples
 amount of
people
 are able to achieve it.
While
 there are many factors which lead to
this
, there are
also
 various
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to overcome
this
 problem.
This
 essay will outline the
resons
Correct your spelling
reasons
 why
people
 try to achieve
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
life
, and explore some potential solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 issue. The first reason for the inability to achieve a
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
balance
 is the technology today. Nowadays we
are give
Change the verb form
are given
are giving
show examples
 more
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
before
Change preposition
than
show examples
 the past.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they are wasting
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of time on digital
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
such
 as cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and laptop
show examples
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
.
This
 is the main
barirar
Correct your spelling
barrier
 for
this
 factor.
Secondly
,
people
 can not achieve a
work
-
life
balance
 because the definition of a
work
-
life
balance
 is different for different
people
. Some
people
 think that money is the
more
Rephrase
most
show examples
 important thing
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 time so they
work
 hard by ignoring family
for earning
Change preposition
to earn
show examples
 a lot.
On the other hand
, very few
people
toughts
Correct your spelling
thought
 family is the main priority they try to give more
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
. The solutions are not simple. We must try to feel what makes us happy. We need to give
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
proper
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our
work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when we are in
work place
Correct your spelling
the workplace
show examples
. After coming home we must be close
our
Change preposition
to our
show examples
work
-
life
 and
also
 try to give full
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 family. In conclusion, achieving a perfect
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
balance
 is so much difficult.
However
, we must all realise that commitment
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 own is the key to a perfect
work
-
life
balance
.
Submitted by belmontsy01 on

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task achievement
Be sure to address all parts of the prompt explicitly. State causes and solutions clearly and tie them to specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus and is connected logically to the next. Consider using connector words more effectively to enhance flow.
introduction
You provide a clear introduction that presents the problem and outlines the structure.
supported points
You present relevant points regarding the role of technology and differing personal priorities in affecting work-life balance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • flexible work arrangements
  • remote work
  • unplug
  • boundaries
  • workplace culture
  • societal pressure
  • stress management
  • time management
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