Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

An increasing concern of many
people
around the world is
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
show examples
to
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
equality between
work
and personal
life
but only
little
Correct word choice
a small
show examples
amount of
people
are able to achieve it.
While
there are many factors which lead to
this
, there are
also
various
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
to overcome
this
problem.
This
essay will outline the
resons
Correct your spelling
reasons
why
people
try to achieve
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
life
, and explore some potential solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
issue. The first reason for the inability to achieve a
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
balance
is the technology today. Nowadays we
are give
Change the verb form
are given
are giving
show examples
more
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
before
Change preposition
than
show examples
the past.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
they are wasting
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
of time on digital
device
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devices
show examples
such
as cell
phone
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phones
show examples
,
computer
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computers
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and laptop
show examples
laptop
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laptops
show examples
.
This
is the main
barirar
Correct your spelling
barrier
for
this
factor.
Secondly
,
people
can not achieve a
work
-
life
balance
because the definition of a
work
-
life
balance
is different for different
people
. Some
people
think that money is the
more
Rephrase
most
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important thing
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
time so they
work
hard by ignoring family
for earning
Change preposition
to earn
show examples
a lot.
On the other hand
, very few
people
toughts
Correct your spelling
thought
family is the main priority they try to give more
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
. The solutions are not simple. We must try to feel what makes us happy. We need to give
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
proper
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
our
work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when we are in
work place
Correct your spelling
the workplace
show examples
. After coming home we must be close
our
Change preposition
to our
show examples
work
-
life
and
also
try to give full
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
family. In conclusion, achieving a perfect
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
balance
is so much difficult.
However
, we must all realise that commitment
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
own is the key to a perfect
work
-
life
balance
.
Submitted by belmontsy01 on

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task achievement
Be sure to address all parts of the prompt explicitly. State causes and solutions clearly and tie them to specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus and is connected logically to the next. Consider using connector words more effectively to enhance flow.
introduction
You provide a clear introduction that presents the problem and outlines the structure.
supported points
You present relevant points regarding the role of technology and differing personal priorities in affecting work-life balance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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