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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows the number of cars made in three countries in 2003, 2005 and 2009.

The table below shows the number of cars made in three countries in 2003, 2005 and 2009.
#cars #three #countries
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The table compares the number of
cars
Use synonyms
 produced in three countries from 2003 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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car production in
Argentina
Use synonyms
 and in
Thailand
Use synonyms
 increased noticeably, the reverse was true for Australia.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Thailand
Use synonyms
 stood out among other nations with consistently higher
figuresin
Correct your spelling
figures in
figures
 each
year
Use synonyms
, despite a decline in the final
year
Use synonyms
.
Argentina
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 and
Thailand
Use synonyms
 showed increases
their
Change preposition
in their
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 car production. In 2003, 735,825
cars
Use synonyms
 were made in
Thailand
Use synonyms
, considerably more than those produced in
Argentina
Use synonyms
, at 235,088.
This
Linking Words
 disparity/discrepancy/gap/difference became even more pronounced in 2006, as the figure for
Thailand
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 saw a rise to a staggering 1,162,356 and that for
Argentina
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 increased to 352,759. In the final
year
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,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
cars
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 manufactured in
Thailand
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 saw a slight drop to 999,963,
Argentina
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 continued its trajectory, reaching its peak of 466,089. Australia,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, bucked the trend. In 2003, it made 452,163
cars
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, a figure that
then
Linking Words
 fell significantly to 341,268 in 2006. After another decrease, the number of
cars
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 produced in
this
Linking Words
 country stood at just 245, 264 in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cars, argentina, thailand, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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