IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished the same wag as adults . To what extend do you agree or disagree

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There is a view that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished like adults, as crime should be treated equally regardless of age.
However
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, I strongly oppose
this
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 notion, because juveniles are less mature, and
rehabilitation
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 is more effective than strict
punishment
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. One reason why young
offenders
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 should not face the same
punishment
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 as adults is that they are not fully mature. Their brains, especially the part responsible for decision-making, are still developing.
As a result
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, they often act impulsively without considering the consequences. Many commit crimes
due to
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 peer pressure or difficult family situations rather than a deep criminal intent.
For example
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, a teenager may steal without realizing its seriousness.
Instead
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 of harsh
punishment
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, they should receive guidance and education to help them make better choices. Another key reason is that
rehabilitation
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 works better than strict
punishment
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. Sending young
offenders
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 to adult prisons exposes them to dangerous criminals, increasing their chances of reoffending. Studies show that those who receive education and
counseling
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counselling
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 are less likely to commit crimes again.
For instance
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, some countries have programs that teach young
offenders
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 job skills and responsibility, helping them build a better future. Focusing on
rehabilitation
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 allows them to reform and contribute positively to society. In conclusion, young
offenders
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 should not be punished like adults because they lack maturity and can still change.
Rehabilitation
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 is a better solution, as it helps them learn from their mistakes and become responsible individuals.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and addresses all aspects of the task effectively. Just ensure each paragraph clearly reflects your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is excellent, and each paragraph consists of a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider developing your examples a bit more for greater impact.
structure
Your introduction clearly outlines your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your points without introducing new ideas.
examples
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument overall.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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