Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used to make money from tourists. Others believe that this is the only way for some places to survive in today's world. Discuss both sides and give you opinion.

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In modern society, there is a growing number of people travelling all around the world. Some people may have claimed that cultural
traditions
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can be affected by only focusing on tourists' preferences.
This
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is true;
however
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, I
also
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understand that some
countries
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can maintain their country finances by
tourism
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.
Firstly
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, some cities are extremely geared to attracting foreign tourists to make money.
This
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is because foreign travellers are likely to experience various exotic things, showing them stimulated travel
programs
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that might be able to harm cultural
traditions
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.
For example
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, in Korea, we have
programs
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that experience wearing HanBok which is Korean traditional clothes. What I am concerned about is that since those clothes are reformed to attract foreigners, I think travellers might be able to misunderstand our
traditions
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that if we concentrate too much on profits, we will be able to lose our cultural identity.
On the other hand
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,
tourism
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is imperative for some
countries
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which is the main profit for them. The
tourism
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industry has made lucrative finances for some
countries
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, and it seems effective at improving national economies.
For instance
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, Boracay is one of the cities that has been maintained by excursion
programs
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. People living in Boracay only work as tour guides because
this
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is the only way to earn money for them. In
this
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case, I think
tourism
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allows cities to improve employment and economic revitalisation.
Moreover
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, if
countries
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don't develop the industry of
tourism
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, they might be able to miss the national trade and lose opportunities to inform traditional cultures. I believe
this
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will contribute to adverse effects on society in the long run.
To sum up
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, as compared above, tourists can affect not only cultural
traditions
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but
also
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countries
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' economies.
However
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, as a person who puts more value on protecting precious
traditions
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, I believe remaining original
traditions
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is more imperative than attractive tour
programs
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. I think we should develop our traditional sites so as not to be destroyed.

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task achievement
Clarify some points in your arguments and examples to enhance clarity. For example, elaborate on how the HanBok program misrepresents traditions.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will strengthen the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph flows smoothly to the next with appropriate linking words or phrases, to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Focus on a balance between complex and compound sentence structures to maintain reader engagement.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of both sides of the argument, discussing the potential negative impact on cultural traditions and the economic benefits of tourism.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly stating the thesis and summarizing the main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural integrity
  • commercialization
  • commodification
  • authenticity
  • tourist-friendly versions
  • original meaning
  • context
  • extinction
  • global appreciation
  • global connectedness
  • economically disadvantaged regions
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