It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
With an ever-increasing concern about how to utilize the residence of younger generations, some people have opined that rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
is
more beneficial for Correct subject-verb agreement
are
children
to live.
Change preposition
in.
This
essay will, however
, provide some reasons why I strongly disagree with the given opinion.
To begin
with, some individuals argue that the countryside residence has better conditions for children
to grow. Given that the priority of parents is to maximize their children
's physical and mental health well-being and provide the
polluted-free environment for Correct article usage
a
children
who have been suffering from the environment hazardous such
as air pollution in urban areas, living in rural area
should be considered as a solution to bring many benefits. Considering that air pollution caused by Fix the agreement mistake
areas
traffics
, factories and fine Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
dusts
plays an important role in threatening Change the wording
dust
specks of dust
clouds of dust
bags of dust
children
's respiratory and immune system
, Fix the agreement mistake
systems
children
should have a chance to be away from cities for their good
.
Despite the reasons mentioned above, I completely contend that living in Correct word choice
own good
urban
Add an article
an urban
the urban
area
is more beneficial for children
. Providing a few agreements on previous arguments, and moving to other oppositions can illuminate a different perspective. Considering that educational, inspirational
opportunities are more structuralized in big cities, it is much beneficial for Correct word choice
and inspirational
children
to gain experiences for their future career
. In Korea, the majority number of successful applicants for well-known universities are living in urban cities. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Moreover
, preparing for medical emergency situation
is crucial for Fix the agreement mistake
situations
children
's healthy well-being, living in urban area
has a greater asset to provide Fix the agreement mistake
areas
the
access to those medical facilities. Correct article usage
apply
Thus
, making decision
on whether to decide the residence of Add an article
a decision
the decision
children
should not be sole
side of opinion.
In conclusion, some individuals argue that Add an article
the sole
a sole
children
living in rural area
will bring great aspects. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Nevertheless
, I firmly believe that more consideration of other parties' facing issues should be taken into account to achieve more sustainable advantages.Submitted by rachael0124 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance on the issue, which is commendable. However, the task achievement can be improved by more evenly balancing the discussion between the benefits of rural and urban living for children. Including more specific examples and concrete evidence can strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Using transition words and phrases can help bridge ideas smoothly. Additionally, the structure can be improved by clearly separating points in favor of the countryside and points supporting city living for a more balanced argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each main point is fully developed with sufficient detail and examples. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
introduction and conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining your position effectively. This adds to the clarity of your argument.
supported main points
You have highlighted key aspects such as health, education, and medical facilities when comparing rural and urban living, which provides a broad perspective on the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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