IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Cyber insecurity is a rising problem in many countries. What problems does a lack of cyber security cause to Internet users? What solutions can you suggest to solve it?

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Advancement of technology has led to the
problem
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 of
cyber
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 insecurity in number of countries.
This
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problem
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 ultimately lead to frauds like money laundering or misuse of the personal information availabile on
internet
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. But, I believe
this
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problem
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 can be resolved by taking corrective measures like spreading awareness among
people
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, not to share any personal detal on
internet
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 i.e. credit card details, and encouraging them to install anti virus. Several problems linked to lack of
cyber
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 security are:
firstly
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, an individual can get scammed by the
cyber
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 attacker, an attacker can misuse the information available on
internet
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.
For instance
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: a lady at my workplace saved her card details on google / H&M website, to make her shopping experience quick and convinenet but somehow her card details got leaked and around AU$ 3800 were debited from her account.
Furthermore
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, these attachers can
also
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 post individual's personal detail on dark web, which would be riskier.
However
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, there are plethora of solutions in the world of technology to save ourself from
such
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 fraudulent activities.
Government
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 and big MNCs should take initiative to aware
people
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 about the dark side of
internet
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 and how they can stay protected.
Moreover
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, MNCs like google and micosoft can come up with a free online course to educate
people
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 about the threats. And,
government
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 can
also
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 do their part by making anti virus software free of cost to encourage
people
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 to install it.
For example
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: In most cities of Mexico,
government
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 has made anti-virus software free to help minimise
cyber
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 attacks in the country. In conlusion, the
problem
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 of
cyber
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 attacks can be resolved by taking corrective actions like educating
people
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 about the information to post or save on
internet
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. And MNcs and
government
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 can
also
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 do their part in spreading the awareness through different means. Because if the
problem
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 is not reolved it might lead to manuplation of individual's data.

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task achievement
Ensure all parts of the task are fully addressed. The essay touches on problems caused by cyber insecurity and provides some solutions, but there could be more detail and depth.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of paragraphs. Some ideas seem a little scattered. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and fully develops it.
language accuracy
Work on language and grammatical accuracy to avoid errors such as 'availabile', 'an attacker', 'AU$ 3800 were', and 'conlusion'. This can help increase clarity and better articulate points.
structure
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the response.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples to illustrate points, such as the example of the lady at your workplace, which makes the argument more compelling.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybersecurity
  • data breaches
  • malware
  • phishing attacks
  • identity theft
  • encryption
  • firewalls
  • antivirus software
  • two-factor authentication
  • public awareness campaigns
  • regulations
  • cybercriminals
  • digital hygiene
  • system vulnerabilities
  • data protection laws
What to do next:
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