In some countries fast food restaurants and supermarkets give money to schools to promote their product. Do you think it’s a positive or negative development of children ?
In many particular nations, fast food eateries and malls pay for schools in order to advertise their goods.
This
writer attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of this
phenomenon before concluding that the drawbacks dominated the beneficial side.
First and foremost, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that this
tendency leads to numerous disadvantages. One reason is that this
kind of food could bring many diseases to children
. It is evident that most fast food is cooked with much oil, chemical sugar and even many sorts of drugs which might make teenagers obese or even become addicted. Specifically, because of the flexibility and quickness, those foods could be made as fast as possible instead
of cooking carefully and safely lead
to Wrong verb form
leading
the
Correct article usage
apply
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
of
nutrients and health.
Change preposition
apply
However
, it is undeniable that this
marketing style gives children
a chance to know more about society and many places which are suitable for them to celebrate their birthday party. As a result
, they could find the ambition of going to school to see this
advertisement every day and dream about them. Additionally
, parents could use these products to encourage their offspring to study effectively and gain high scores on their tests.
Nonetheless
, another reason as to why I believe that this
phenomenon negatively affects the lifestyle of children
. To explain, many children
have a tendency to be rude to their parents if they do not afford these kinds of goods for them. As a result
, many family conflicts might be created and expand the barrier between the parents and their offspring owing to the immature behaviour of the young and also
the impatience in the teaching of the older.
In conclusion, while
this
action also
brings benefits for children
, I strongly argue that the drawbacks are more significant and justified due to
many reasons as I mentioned before.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
Ensure your main points are well-supported with specific, relevant examples to make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Provide a more thorough explanation for each point to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, make sure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next for better cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transition phrases are used effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed both the positive and negative aspects of the topic, demonstrating a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and summarise your points well.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, making it easy to follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.