Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In recent years, a significant number of young
individuals
have allocated a considerable portion of their leisure time
to exploring and engaging in activities within shopping malls. This
trend has the potential to yield adverse effects both on the individuals
themselves and on the broader society. I strongly endorse this
perspective, and my opinion will be discussed in further
paragraphs with a suitable conclusion.
Supporting my agreement with the given statement, I firmly believe that in the context of current economic inflation, devoting free time
to malls presents various economic consequences. To cite an example, immersing oneself in a shopping situation, unconsciously lead
to impulsive purchasing behaviours, wherein Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
individuals
acquire unnecessary items that do not meet their actual needs. This
unconsidered spending can precipitate financial difficulties among the youth. Instead
of engaging in retail therapy, the younger generation ought to invest their time
and resources in enriching educational courses and skill development opportunities, thereby equipping themselves for the challenges they may encounter in their future careers. Additionally
, the consequences of these spending habits contribute to a broader economic landscape, exacerbating the issues associated with rising inflation.
Addressing further
supporting arguments against the unchecked prevalence of mall culture, it is evident that communal behaviours can significantly influence individual actions. When certain habits become ingrained within a community, they can create a pervasive culture that emphasizes consumerism. This
behaviour fosters a heightened sense of material dissatisfaction, as individuals
may constantly yearn for non-essential products. Subsequently
, a collective mentality may emerge, wherein the pursuit of material goods overshadows more fulfilling and meaningful pursuits, ultimately leading to societal discord and diminished well-being.
In conclusion, the excessive time
that young people devote to shopping malls adversely affects their financial health, personal development, and the social fabric of their communities. The arguments presented underscore the necessity for a more balanced approach to leisure activities. It is imperative that society encourages youth to seek out more constructive and enriching pastimes that contribute positively to their lives and the community at large.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
Ensure all main points are not only introduced but also fully explored with relevant details and examples. For instance, mentioning specific studies or statistics on youth spending in malls could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Though your essay exhibits a logical flow, consider adding more clear transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence. Phrases like 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', or 'In addition' can help in this regard.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets a clear context for the discussion and presents a strong thesis statement, guiding the reader on the author's stance.
logical structure
You have effectively provided a structured response with each paragraph focusing on a distinct supporting argument.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion successfully ties together the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing the thesis statement.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite