IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Due to the availability of fast food nowadays, many people have low- quality diets. What problems can this cause? What can governments do to resolve these problems? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Many
people
 have low-quality diets because of the higher availability of fast
food
 (these days). In my opinion, eating
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
meals
 can cause
health
 damage
such
 as obesity and loss of concentration, because the foods include many artificial additives.
Firstly
, all governments should provide reasonable
meals
 with a lot of ingredients at some
restaurants
 in their cities, in order to resolve citizens’
health
 issues.
For example
, when
people
 don’t have time
for eating
Change preposition
to eat
show examples
, they tend to eat fast foods,which are efficient and cheap. If they go to a restaurant, they can eat healthy
food
such
 as salad, chicken or fish at a reasonable cost and ingest the nutrients that they need.
In addition
 to
this
,
restaurants
 should have all menus’ information on all
meals
 so as to know or become interested in their
health
. As they go to the restaurant, they get to think about their
health
 through the articles and interests.
Secondly
, more
food
 shops should sell
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 lunch boxes that the government have tested and permitted. Currently, some fast
food
restaurants
 in Japan have menus which are made by nutritionists. One
such
 menu offers vegetable and chicken sandwiches, rice bowls and lunch boxes, from which customers can obtain
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of their required daily vegetable intake. Being able to read the nutritional value of their
meals
 may make
people
 more interested in what they eat and their general
health
. In conclusion, governments should provide
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
meals
 at a reasonable price, and encourage
people
 to think more about their
health
.
In addition
, shops and
restaurants
 should give
people
 some information about the nutritional value of the
food
 they sell.
This
 could result in a healthier population with an increased ability to concentrate on work and studies.
Submitted by aimy.emi1097 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, consider clearly delineating each point in separate paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows smoothly to the next, maintaining a coherent argument throughout.
task achievement
Your essay extensively covers the task and provides relevant examples. To enhance clarity and comprehension, try to elaborate more on your ideas and provide some additional supporting details for better understanding.
coherence cohesion
Incorporating clearer transitions between paragraphs can improve the flow of your essay. This will help to make the connections between your ideas more explicit and the overall argument more cohesive.
task achievement
You have effectively included relevant and specific examples to support your points, which adds credibility and depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the problem and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and suggests potential solutions, showcasing a good understanding of essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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