IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that in this modern world getting old is entirely bad. However, other people believe that the life of old people is much better now than it was in the past. Discuss both points and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, some individuals have the perception of growing old as not good
while
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 others think that being an elderly person is the way to go as compared to years ago.
This
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 essay will discuss these two issues. In my opinion, I think being old is a drawback. On the one hand, being an old person in
this
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 modern era has some drawbacks. One no longer has the energy they used to have when they were young.
Further
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, they are prone to many diseases like prostate cancer for men.
Furthermore
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, they lose things like memory, hair, weight, teeth and sight, just to mention a few. The elders always need someone to take
care
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 of them. For those who are old,
people
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 will take them to places where they do not want to go.
Additionally
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, old
people
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 need medical
care
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 and attention always.
For example
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, some are taken to old
people
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’s homes even without their consent because, there will be
people
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 who are paid to take
care
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 of them,
hence
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, I think being elderly is a drawback.
On the other hand
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, grandparents are a blessing to all. All they
care
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 about is their family and just having a relaxed life. Moreso, they help take
care
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 of the grandchildren.
In addition
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, most of them have acquired lots of experience in life so they become
good
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a good
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 and wise mentor to the younger generation.
Additionally
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, because of the assets they would have acquired, they leave it as an inheritance to their children and grandchildren. In businesses, the old
people
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 train the younger ones. They help
people
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 preserve their cultures and customs.
For instance
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, in African countries, elderly
people
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 have a special part to play in traditional celebrations where they are given time to teach
people
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 about their traditions. In conclusion,
people
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 think that being an old person in
this
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 modern era is bad because they face many health challenges, and they need more attention and medication. Others think it is better than it was before because they have fewer things to worry about. All they
care
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 of is their family and being a blessing to them by leaving an inheritance for them and impacting their knowledge, and wisdom.

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task achievement
Consider enhancing the depth of your arguments. Adding more specific examples and elaborations will strengthen your essay. For instance, discussing recent advancements in healthcare that improve the quality of life for elderly people would add more weight to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on your paragraph transitions to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Linking phrases or transitional sentences will help guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
task achievement
You've addressed both viewpoints and provided a clear opinion, which is integral for a balanced essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and serve their functions well. The essay is framed clearly, and the conclusion summarizes the key points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageism
  • elderly welfare
  • retirement plans
  • financial stability
  • social isolation
  • job insecurity
  • healthcare advancements
  • quality of life
  • technological change
  • alienation
  • dependency
  • social opportunities
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