Some people say that advertising is extremely succssesful at persuading us to buy things.Other people thinks that adv ertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Market share is one of the most significant key
indicator
Change to a plural noun
indicators
show examples
in
a companies
Correct the article-noun agreement
a company
companies
show examples
, as it makes revenue.
Subsequently
,
Correct article usage
the dsales
show examples
dsales
Correct your spelling
sales
department does various marketing
approachs
Correct your spelling
approaches
approach
to attract potential customers or to introduce their
products
to society.
Nevertheless
, it has been a hot contention, whether existing advertising techniques
are remain
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
effective
to draw
Change preposition
in drawing
show examples
buyer
Fix the agreement mistake
buyers
show examples
or the
way
Correct word choice
other way
show examples
arround
Correct your spelling
around
. In
this
essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and describe my personal opinion on the matter. On the first side, the proponents, who support existing advertising methods, believe that it is frequently working to persuade
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
. Their notion was based on the significant - selling number from multiple - companies, which are fostering conventional branding procedures.
For instance
, a large number of food and beverage
start - ups
Correct your spelling
start-ups
show examples
in the
shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
mall utilize
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
conventional posters to attract people who walk around. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, plenty of individuals come to purchase their
products
or at least look at the food's menu. On the other side, the opposite group think that an upgrade of
conventional
Correct article usage
the conventional
show examples
way is important
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since a lot of enterprises foster
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
similar shift.
Consequently
, people are prone to neglect it.
Therefore
, an
eye catching
Add a hyphen
eye-catching
show examples
or fascinating advertisement will be feasible to persuade customer interest. Recently, many smart or modern marketing
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
that could be
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
utilized. To exemplify, a silent- marketing technique
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
ubiquitous in the
last
three months in Indonesia. The companies collaborated with renowned
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
, who will act like they consume the client's
products
regularly.
Supprisingly
Correct your spelling
Surprisingly
,
althought
Correct your spelling
although
they never
aggresively
Correct your spelling
aggressively
mention the
products
,
customer
Add the comma(s)
customer,
show examples
finally
by
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
their affiliate
products
.
To sum up
,
while
ordinary branding methods
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
still working, I wholeheartedly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that
marketing
Correct article usage
the marketing
show examples
team should invent creative shifts to boost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales. Combining ordinary and modern
approachs
Correct your spelling
approach
approaches
could encompass more market share.
Submitted by epindonta02 on

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task achievement
Revise the introduction for clearer expression and remove minor errors.
task achievement
Ensure all examples are distinctly related to the points they're illustrating.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on key ideas more comprehensively to improve depth of response.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases more effectively to smoothly link sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all points within paragraphs directly support the respective topic sentences.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument were discussed before concluding with a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The main ideas within the paragraphs are generally organized logically.
coherence cohesion
A well-defined conclusion that succinctly summarizes the essay’s main points is provided.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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