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Band 4

Some people think the cheap air flight gives ordinary people more freedom. However, others think that cheap air flights should be banned because it pollutes the air and brings many problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #air #flight #freedom #flights #pollutes
Usage of planes
are
Change the verb form
is
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 said to be one of the best ways to
travel
 overseas in terms of saving time.I strongly believe cheap
air
 flights should be banned as it not only promotes
air
 pollution but may lead to even higher problems
such
 as smuggling and theft. On one hand,travelling by cheap
air
 may encourage people to
travel
 more to different monuments and expand their horizons
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thus
 exposing themselves to new cultures.
Furthermore
,it may
pursue
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
students
 to explore
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new countries for
education
 or higher studies .
Students
 could
infact
Correct your spelling
in fact
 earn more money and tend to expand their countries' economic growth .
This
 goes back to the time
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of the
students
 from my native village who have completed their
education
 back in 2013 and with the help of their connections brought a huge change towards
education
 in our society.
On the other hand
,
travel
 by cheap flights could often result in
air
 pollution
while
 causing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
severe damage to the environment.
Moreover
, the usage of cheap petroleum results in additional
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to waterbodies
such
 as rivers and lakes which could indeed be fatal towards marine animals.A survey in 2015 indicated that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the marine animals and land mammals
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were victims of a major respiratory disease. In conclusion,cheap
air
travel
 possibly leads to
air
 pollution and can cause
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
damage to places and animals.
However
,
air
travel
 encourages youngsters
such
 as
students
 to pursue higher
education
 in universities abroad
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
expand their knowledge and interact with
students
 of different cultures.
Submitted by rehanaafeesrs on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both views of the argument, the introduction should clearly state the topic being discussed and both perspectives, rather than jumping directly into personal opinion. Consider rephrasing to make the introduction more neutral before presenting your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. You might want to use more linking phrases to improve coherence and cohesion. For example, instead of starting a new idea abruptly, link it back to the previous point.
task achievement
Expand on how cheap air travel 'may lead to even higher problems such as smuggling and theft.' Giving specific examples or elaborating on this point would improve task achievement and make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using informal contractions like 'infact' and ensure you're punctuating correctly. Consistent spacing and avoiding run-on sentences will help with clarity.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as the reference to students from your native village and the 2015 survey about marine animals.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a good balance of discussing both views, showing a fair consideration of the topic from multiple angles.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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