Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do yo agree with this statement ?

Nowadays, many
children
have some problems with their daily routines. Individuals argue that
parents
and schools are accountable for dealing with
this
predicament. I completely agree with
this
statement, and
this
essay will elaborate on my views.
To begin
with, there are several reasons why
children
themselves should be responsible for their own lifestyle. First of all, if
children
prioritize what to do on an upcoming day, they can save considerable time for quality time to spend with their family members.
As a result
, they not only live a healthy lifestyle but
also
allocate some time to exchange ideas with their family.
Moreover
, being curious and conscious about the future among
children
is considered a positive development in our society.
For
this
reason, giving
children
the opportunity to make some important plans is
also
extremely effective for their future lives, since they should learn about essential things
such
as decision-making.
On the other hand
, there are
also
plenty of reasons why both schools and
parents
should be responsible for planning routines for
children
.
Initially
,
parents
play a crucial role in their
children
's lives, which is why they should assist their infants in some fields in order to make their lives easier and happier.
As a result
, they could make their child disciplined and very tenacious, which encourages them to study very diligently. By doing so, teachers
also
contribute to student's improved
overall
performance and upgraded results. In the long term,
parents
, school members, and
children
's efforts will pay off.
Secondly
, if teachers create a good learning environment and a better system for representing new lessons, they could see the benefits of their endeavours, which would be beneficial for both sides. In conclusion,
although
some people argue that
children
should outline their own regimen, I strongly believe that teachers and
parents
should support their offspring so as to succeed in life.
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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, consider refining some of the main points to make them more specific and detailed. This will enhance the overall clarity of your arguments and provide more comprehensive support for your views.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are consistently focused on a single idea or point. This will improve coherence and make your essay easier to follow for the reader.
structure
The essay has a clear and well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the overall argument effectively.
structure
The essay demonstrates a good logical flow of ideas, making it generally easy to follow the main arguments presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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