IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might be the case? Do you think this is a positve or negative situation?

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There is no denying that accommodation is important to society.
Someone
Correct your spelling
Some
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 hold the view that having a house is one of the achievements of life
whereas
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 others maintain the opposite idea. I firmly believe that there is a negative situation because some of them have reduced circumstances.
Firstly
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, most individuals consider that being a homeowner is a good investment whose value might increase over the years.
Also
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,
this
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 is a guarantee of life
such
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 as when they get older and do not want to worry about the rent.
In addition
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, the assets can be bequeathed to their children. One of the positives is feeling independent about
to modify
Change the verb form
modifying
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. The houses can be decorated to any desire
such
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 as painting walls with any colours and remodelling the rooms without anyone interference.
Furthermore
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,
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 can adopt pets,
do
Correct word choice
and do
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 not need to allow anybody.
Accordingly
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, in some lands, the folks do not have bankroll, and they need to take out a credit, and the loan interest rates are very high
that
Correct word choice
which
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 must pay interest 2 or 3 times the house price. Despite
this
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, in countries with high levels of welfare, they can buy a house as
like
Correct word choice
if
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 they were paying rent.
This
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 situation relates to their country’s economic situation. All in all, everything is taken into consideration, it has a lot of positive parts to becoming a householder. I completely believe that the benefits of being
homeowner
Correct article usage
a homeowner
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outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
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 downwards.
Therefore
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, it brings economic freedom so as to provide for different needs.

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task response
Make sure to address both parts of the prompt more equally. While you have explained why owning a home might be important, you should develop the discussion on whether the situation is positive or negative more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay follows a logical structure, the paragraphs could flow more smoothly. More transitional phrases could be used to link ideas between or within paragraphs.
task response
Adding more specific examples and further developing some of your points will strengthen your argument. For instance, give personal anecdotes, country-specific scenarios, or statistical data.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Some sentences feel a bit disjointed, which can interrupt the reader's flow. You might want to combine shorter sentences into more complex ones or rearrange sentences for clarity.
task response
Proofread for minor errors, such as grammatical inconsistencies, repeated words, and typos. For instance, 'such as painting walls with any colours and remodelling the rooms without anyone interference' should be corrected to 'such as painting the walls any color and remodeling the rooms without anyone's interference.'
task response
You provided a range of reasons why people might prefer to own their home rather than rent. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which neatly frame your essay.
task response
The essay contains some strong points about the independence and security provided by homeownership, showing depth in your argumentation.
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