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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries the average wight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes if these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #wight #people #levels #health #fitness #measures
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The obesity rate is expanding in some parts of the world
in contrast
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, the physical health of
people
Use synonyms
 is falling. In
this
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 essay, the causes of
this
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 trend will be unveiled, and the feasible ways will be expressed. The most important reason for overweighting is technological advancement which persuades
people
Use synonyms
 to lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physical activity.
That is
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, they can do their basic needs only by pressing a button
such
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 as ordering food by cellphone apps and washing all of the dishes with an electrical machine.
Moreover
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, terrible dietary habits raise the level of fat in body cells. in fact, some
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
 are accustomed to consuming greasy foods and overeating in their daily lives.
Furthermore
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, the fast-paced lifestyle causes inadequate time to attend sports classes.
For example
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, in Tehran,
people
Use synonyms
 usually suffer from cramped schedules and have to work flat out to accommodate their basic needs. To tackle these problems, governments should increase awareness among
people
Use synonyms
 about the privileges of a healthy lifestyle.
In addition
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, allocate an appropriate budget to establish the new fitness center, and encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to participate there.
Lastly
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, the authorities should promote the dire results of overweighting in the media.
For instance
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, they can order to produce certain TV shows about the health risks of obesity in the body
such
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 as heart attacks or high blood pressure. In conclusion,
however
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, the level of health is reducing in some societies
due to
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 inefficient lifestyles or emerging technology, and governments can resolve the outbreak of
this
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 issue by some measures.
For instance
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, they should encourage individuals to take part in fitness clubs and remove unhealthy habits in their lives.
Submitted by raha.roham1994 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every idea presented is directly tied back to the main topic of the essay; this will enhance coherence.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors and typos to make your writing more polished and professional.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies the causes of the problem and suggests viable solutions.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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