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Writing Samples
Band 6

Health experts say that obese women and women over the age of 40 should not be given free fertility treatment (IVF) because they are more likely to experience health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#health #experts #women #age #fertility #treatment #ivf
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Nowadays, it is believed by many individuals that doctors should not provide
IVF
 to all ladies and they should consider their
age
 and body condition carefully, beforehand providing them with free fertility
treatment
. I agree with
this
 testimonial because over the
age
 of 40 and obese
women
 are prone to more
diseases
 and they do not have enough physical and mental strength to grow their newly born babies.
To begin
 with, the most prominent reason to support the view is that as soon as
women
 reach the
age
 of 40, the strength of their reproductive organs starts declining and there is enormously less chance of getting positive results from
IVF
treatment
,
this
 is waste of resources and after experimenting these treatments on the body
women
 are prone to many
diseases
.
Moreover
, ladies who already have health problems
such
 as obesity can never get positive results from Free fertility
treatment
 because the obese body catches disease instantly.
However
, if they still go through
this
 their babies might be born with
diseases
 like AIDS.
For instance
, in 2020 after
IVF
treatment
 on fewer ladies in India, some kids were born with
diseases
 and when the reasons were explored for
this
, were obesity to the mothers.
Therefore
, in India
women
 with any type of disease are not allowed to have
IVF
 treatments for free. Another primary reason is that after the
age
 of 40 individuals start developing the issues of forgetting things instantly because they are losing their mental energy.
Likewise
, an obese person does not have enough physical stability to provide good care to young ones.
For example
, to secure the future of posterity the government is working on making strict regulations
while
 rendering
IVF
 medication.
To conclude
, as per the reasons aforementioned above, one reaches the logical repercussions that
IVF
 cure should not be provided for free to obese
as well as
 females over the maturity of 40 should not allow these treatments.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should outline your stance clearly. Each body paragraph should focus on one main idea, supported by examples or evidence. The conclusion should summarize your viewpoint succinctly.
Sentence Structure
Consider varied sentence structures to enhance readability. Using a mix of complex and simple sentences can make your essay more engaging and reflect a better command of the language.
Supporting Examples
Work on developing your arguments more thoroughly with clear, relevant examples. The examples should directly support your main points and be specific rather than generic or hypothetical.
Logic and Flow
Pay attention to your essay coherence by ensuring that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Using linking words and phrases can greatly help in achieving this.
Accuracy of Information
Avoid making unsupported claims or using potentially incorrect information (e.g., mentioning diseases like AIDS without relevant context or accurate medical knowledge). Ensure your arguments are well-researched and accurately presented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nuanced discussion
  • heightened health risks
  • public health and safety
  • discriminatory
  • individual health conditions
  • mitigate risks
  • mental health and well-being
  • deeply personal
  • equitable treatment
  • advancements in medical science
  • managed effectively
  • inclusive approach
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