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Band 4.5

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping center or mall to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#years #shops #customers #travel #center #mall #development
In my opinion,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 shopping
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 and abandoning the small local
shops
 could have a positive and negative development. These days, Large supermarkets has so many products so you can find everything you need in one place without bothering yourself by going to
separated
Wrong verb form
separate
show examples
shops
, Supermarkets could have clothes, food, electronics and so on, People may prefer the large
markets
 because they
don
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
,t have time to waste by searching they
also
 do not want to
loss
Replace the word
lose
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 gas some cities are very big and every shop is far from the other.
On the other hand
, leaving the small local
shops
 will be not good
due to
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 small businesses
in addition
, people will not have the passion to create new
shops
 and grow up, which could make the government
wondering
Wrong verb form
wonder
show examples
 why there is no money,
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 the small
markets
 need to work on their products and make something special like the
history
 about the area were the market opened, Some
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 would love to know about the
history
 and buy some Souveniers,
Furthermore
 Making new thing could impact on the person to come to you.
In contrast
, the large
markets
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot make
history
 like the small
shops
 because sometimes the place where the small shop
located
Add a missing verb
is located
show examples
it was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 recorded in the
history
 books. In conclusion, Most of the world would prefer the large
markets
 as I mentioned before it has everything all in one place For me I would choose the supermarkets that
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 more than one type of
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
show examples
.
Submitted by fnokgamer11 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, work on a more logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and your ideas flow in a more organized manner.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, try to provide clear and comprehensive ideas. Use more specific examples to back up your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You have made a clear attempt to address the question by discussing both positive and negative aspects of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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