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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the average number of visitors who went to six types of attractions in Canberra, on a weekday on the weekend, in 2019

The bar chart below shows the average number of visitors who went to six types of attractions in Canberra, on a weekday on the weekend, in 2019
#bar #visitors #six #attractions #canberra #weekday #weekend
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The bar chart shows the average number of
visitors
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 in 2019 who went to six types of
tourist
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 attractions in Canberra on a
week day
Correct your spelling
weekday
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 and on the
weekend
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.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the number of
people
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 who went on the
weekend
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 is far greater than the number of
people
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 who went on a
weekday
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. The most popular attraction in the list are cafes and restaurants with 140
people
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 visiting on the
weekend
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 and 80
people
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 visiting during a
weekday
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. Following that are parks with 100
visitors
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 on the
weekend
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 making them the second most popular
tourist
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 attraction
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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 only 50
people
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visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
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 them during a
weekday
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. Shopping centres
also
Linking Words
 have a significant amount of
visitors
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 on the
weekend
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 making them the third most populated attraction on a
weekend
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 with 80
people
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while
Linking Words
 they only get 60
people
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 on a
weekday
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. Movie theatres
also
Linking Words
attracts
Change the verb form
attract
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peoples
Change noun form
people's
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 attention making them the 4th most visited place with 80
people
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 visiting them on the weekends and 40
people
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 on a
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weekday
Fix the agreement mistake
weekdays
show examples
. Museums only get 70
visitors
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 during the
weeknd
Correct your spelling
weekend
 and 20
people
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 on a
weekday
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. Libraries are the least popular
tourist
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 attractions with only 30
people
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 visiting them on a
weekday
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 and 20
people
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 visiting them during a
weekday
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, Cafes and Restaurants are the most visited
tourist
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 attractions
whereas
Linking Words
 Libraries are the least visited.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 92%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, tourist, weekend, people, weekday with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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