Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #profit #company #profits

modern

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the modern

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era,

world

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the world

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is changing fast and people

are having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

the view that only youth can be

best

Correct article usage

the best

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workers

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

companies to

get

Verb problem

achieve

show examples

success

whereas

other believes that older individuals are good at

this

This

essay will

elaborates

Change the verb form

elaborate

show examples

both

Change preposition

on both

show examples

opinions with valid reasons.

To begin

with, there are multifarious points which stand with the former stance, but the most prominent is young

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

are more physically active as compared to older.

For example

, at workplaces like warehouses,

construction

Correct word choice

and construction

show examples

sites where physical force is needed to do the tasks to achieve their goals , can not be done by senior citizens. Only youngsters are able to finish

these kind

Change the determiner

this kind

these kinds

show examples

of duties.

Moreover

, new generations have

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

advance

Replace the word

advanced

show examples

ideas to run their business.

For instance

, technology has been invented and used by young people in different ways of life and has

great

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a great

show examples

impact on

pupils

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pupils'

pupil's

show examples

lives to be

suceessful

Correct your spelling

successful

. Exploring the other side, there are certain thoughts to support

this

, one worth noticing crux is older citizens have more experience

to solve

Change preposition

in solving

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

problems at jobs when they get

trouble

Change preposition

into trouble

show examples

during some tasks . To clarify, being

skilled

Correct article usage

a skilled

show examples

worker a bus driver of a company knows better to drive in windy or

stromy

Correct your spelling

stormy

weather.

In addition

due to

having experience , learnt from the past , senior citizens of the nations have

patience

Change the article

the patience

show examples

to tackle the situations to obtain profit. Based on the above discussion,

this

actively demonstrates that

youth

Correct your spelling

young

show examples

people are

palying

Correct your spelling

playing

an essential roles

Correct the article-noun agreement

an essential role

essential roles

show examples

however

Add the comma(s)

however,

show examples

older

individuals

Change noun form

individuals'

individual's

show examples

work can not be neglected.

Submitted by manjeetsandhu1999 on Tue Aug 20 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a good structure with distinct paragraphs for each view. However, you should work on making the transitions between ideas smoother to improve overall coherence and cohesion.

Task Achievement

Ensure that each argument is fully developed and supported with detailed examples. Some points feel underdeveloped.

General Writing

Your language and grammar are generally clear, but there are some mistakes that can be distracting. For instance, 'elaborates' should be 'elaborate,' and 'pupils lives' should be 'people's lives.'

Task Achievement

You've successfully presented both views on the topic and provided a balanced opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both present and provide a framework for your essay.

Task Achievement

You used relevant examples such as 'warehouses, construction sites' and 'bus driver in windy or stormy weather' to illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Adaptable
Innovations
Breakthroughs
Deep industry knowledge
Mentors
Fostering
Workforce balance
Maximizing profits
Enthusiasm
Wisdom

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Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children.

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibilities for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You have arranged to visit a friend in England but an important event at home now means that you must change the dates of the visit. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter explain the important event apologise for the situation suggest a new arrangement

Some people think that it is better for a country's economy for people to spend money while others believe that it would be better for people to save money. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Relocating companies, factories and employees to country side provide benefits to reduce traffic jams and housing problems. To what extend do you agree?