Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In
modern
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the modern
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era,
world
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the world
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is changing fast and people
are having
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have
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the view that only youth can be
best
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the best
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workers
to
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for
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the
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apply
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companies to
get
Verb problem
achieve
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success
whereas
Linking Words
other believes that older individuals are good at
this
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.
This
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essay will
elaborates
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elaborate
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both
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on both
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opinions with valid reasons.
To begin
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with, there are multifarious points which stand with the former stance, but the most prominent is young
person
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people
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are more physically active as compared to older.
For example
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, at workplaces like warehouses,
construction
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and construction
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sites where physical force is needed to do the tasks to achieve their goals , can not be done by senior citizens. Only youngsters are able to finish
these kind
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this kind
these kinds
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of duties.
Moreover
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, new generations have
the
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apply
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advance
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advanced
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ideas to run their business.
For instance
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, technology has been invented and used by young people in different ways of life and has
great
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a great
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impact on
pupils
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pupils'
pupil's
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lives to be
suceessful
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successful
. Exploring the other side, there are certain thoughts to support
this
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, one worth noticing crux is older citizens have more experience
to solve
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in solving
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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problems at jobs when they get
trouble
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into trouble
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during some tasks . To clarify, being
skilled
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a skilled
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worker a bus driver of a company knows better to drive in windy or
stromy
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stormy
weather.
In addition
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,
due to
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having experience , learnt from the past , senior citizens of the nations have
patience
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the patience
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to tackle the situations to obtain profit. Based on the above discussion,
this
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actively demonstrates that
youth
Correct your spelling
young
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people are
palying
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playing
an essential roles
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an essential role
essential roles
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,
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however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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older
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
show examples
work can not be neglected.
Submitted by manjeetsandhu1999 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with distinct paragraphs for each view. However, you should work on making the transitions between ideas smoother to improve overall coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each argument is fully developed and supported with detailed examples. Some points feel underdeveloped.
General Writing
Your language and grammar are generally clear, but there are some mistakes that can be distracting. For instance, 'elaborates' should be 'elaborate,' and 'pupils lives' should be 'people's lives.'
Task Achievement
You've successfully presented both views on the topic and provided a balanced opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and provide a framework for your essay.
Task Achievement
You used relevant examples such as 'warehouses, construction sites' and 'bus driver in windy or stormy weather' to illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adaptable
  • Innovations
  • Breakthroughs
  • Deep industry knowledge
  • Mentors
  • Fostering
  • Workforce balance
  • Maximizing profits
  • Enthusiasm
  • Wisdom
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