Children are now watching more television than they have ever done before. What are the possible risks and the benefits of this?

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Compared with earlier periods,

children

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are watching more

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shows. In

this

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essay, I will analyze the drawbacks and benefits of the situation as follows. On the one hand,

children

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watching abundant

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programs

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indeed has some drawbacks. Excessive

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hours not only cause some physical problems but

also

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may affect

children

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's mental health.

For instance

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, many educational experts have indicated that the number of nearsighted

children

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is increasing sharply, and their sight is consistently deteriorating because of watching overabundant

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screens in contemporary times.

Furthermore

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, the mental aspect may be a more serious problem. As

children

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's thinking is generally immature, they have a higher likelihood of being affected by

programs

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, which contain many violent elements, and ultimately generate some negative emotions.

Therefore

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, these risks could result in detrimental effects on

children

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's physical and mental well-being.

On the other hand

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, watching more

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can still have some advantages, especially in absorbing knowledge. If parents pick up suitable episodes for

children

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to watch, they can learn more comprehensively and more rapidly to grow up. Episodes

such

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as art, semiconductors, and modern physics are significantly helpful for

children

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to learn, providing additional resources in education.

In addition

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, it is not surprising that absorbing more knowledge is more likely to develop multiply, and ultimately become successful.

As a result

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, with adequate restrictions on some

programs

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children

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might learn more holistically, thereby being successful.

To sum up

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, watching excessive

programs

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is indeed jeopardized. It could lead to some issues,

such

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as nearsighted problems and being affected by certain violent

programs

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Children

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's sight would still deteriorate, producing more negative emotions from

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However

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, in a healthy environment,

children

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can receive multi-faceted knowledge from certain academic shows.

daniellin0717Thu Aug 01 2024

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task achievement

The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, discussing both risks and benefits of children watching more television. To enhance task response, consider providing more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the arguments, especially for the benefits mentioned.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure is generally clear, with the essay divided into paragraphs that address different aspects of the topic. However, the transitions between some of the points could be smoother. Working on more seamless transitions between ideas will improve coherence and cohesion.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively sums up the main points discussed in the essay. However, make sure to avoid minor inaccuracies and aim for more refined phrasing to make the conclusion stronger and more impactful.

task achievement

Ensure that each point made in the body of the essay is strongly supported with relevant specific examples. This will help to illustrate your points more clearly and convincingly.

coherence cohesion

The essay provides a clear and organized introduction, outlining the main points that will be discussed.

task achievement

The essay effectively balances the discussion of both risks and benefits, presenting a well-rounded argument.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the key arguments made in the essay.

task achievement

The language used in the essay is appropriate and shows a good range of vocabulary, contributing to clear and comprehensive ideas.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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Children are now watching more television than they have ever done before. What are the possible risks and the benefits of this?

Some people believe more actions can be takes to prevent crime, whole others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Society now has the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world, due to the improvement of automation. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To with extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some systems require students to specialise in a limited range of subjects from the age of fifteen. Other systems require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of these two education systems and which is better?