Children are now watching more television than they have ever done before. What are the possible risks and the benefits of this?

Compared with earlier periods,
children
are watching more
TV
shows. In
this
essay, I will analyze the drawbacks and benefits of the situation as follows. On the one hand,
children
watching abundant
TV
programs
indeed has some drawbacks. Excessive
TV
hours not only cause some physical problems but
also
may affect
children
's mental health.
For instance
, many educational experts have indicated that the number of nearsighted
children
is increasing sharply, and their sight is consistently deteriorating because of watching overabundant
TV
screens in contemporary times.
Furthermore
, the mental aspect may be a more serious problem. As
children
's thinking is generally immature, they have a higher likelihood of being affected by
programs
, which contain many violent elements, and ultimately generate some negative emotions.
Therefore
, these risks could result in detrimental effects on
children
's physical and mental well-being.
On the other hand
, watching more
TV
can still have some advantages, especially in absorbing knowledge. If parents pick up suitable episodes for
children
to watch, they can learn more comprehensively and more rapidly to grow up. Episodes
such
as art, semiconductors, and modern physics are significantly helpful for
children
to learn, providing additional resources in education.
In addition
, it is not surprising that absorbing more knowledge is more likely to develop multiply, and ultimately become successful.
As a result
, with adequate restrictions on some
programs
,
children
might learn more holistically, thereby being successful.
To sum up
, watching excessive
programs
is indeed jeopardized. It could lead to some issues,
such
as nearsighted problems and being affected by certain violent
programs
.
Children
's sight would still deteriorate, producing more negative emotions from
TV
.
However
, in a healthy environment,
children
can receive multi-faceted knowledge from certain academic shows.
Submitted by daniellin0717 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, discussing both risks and benefits of children watching more television. To enhance task response, consider providing more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the arguments, especially for the benefits mentioned.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear, with the essay divided into paragraphs that address different aspects of the topic. However, the transitions between some of the points could be smoother. Working on more seamless transitions between ideas will improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively sums up the main points discussed in the essay. However, make sure to avoid minor inaccuracies and aim for more refined phrasing to make the conclusion stronger and more impactful.
task achievement
Ensure that each point made in the body of the essay is strongly supported with relevant specific examples. This will help to illustrate your points more clearly and convincingly.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear and organized introduction, outlining the main points that will be discussed.
task achievement
The essay effectively balances the discussion of both risks and benefits, presenting a well-rounded argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the key arguments made in the essay.
task achievement
The language used in the essay is appropriate and shows a good range of vocabulary, contributing to clear and comprehensive ideas.
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