IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays nations are becoming more interesting and developing better thanks to mixing of different nationalities and cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#nations #thanks #nationalities #cultures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Today's world has become a small village because multiple nationalities are seen in the same place and
this
 can happen
due to
 the advancement of technology which has made
nations
 advance and interesting. I believe the same as the above notion and will explicate some reason why I agree with
above-given
Add an article
the above-given
show examples
 statement.
To begin
 with, multicultural
nations
 obtain some opportunities to celebrate different kinds of festivals which seem really interesting and connect different
people
 from various cultures.
For example
, the Indian festival Diwali which is celebrated in November connects all walks of
people
. It not only gives enjoyment but
also
 brings
people
 together despite cultural differences.
Besides
this
,
people
 started working with other nationalities to develop their business worldwide
due to
 neglecting cultural differences and accepting other cultures.
Secondly
, it is always wondered why has education system improved in
this
 modern era.
This
 is because Schools and universities with diverse cultural backgrounds can provide a more comprehensive and inclusive curriculum, broadening students' horizons and making them more well-rounded individuals.
In addition
 to
this
, students gain multicultural knowledge in the school and assist its nation to develop more by implementing new ideas with another cultural partner who
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 different approaches to accomplish good revenue. In conclusion,
although
 multicultural societies can have misunderstandings
due to
 language barriers, most of the
nations
 are becoming intriguing and getting profits with the betterment of it. It is hoped that
this
 trend will bring more opportunities for many
nations
 to develop in the future.
Submitted by maninderdeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While the introduction provides a clear stance, it could benefit from a more precise thesis statement outlining the specific reasons that will be discussed. This would improve the clarity and focus of the essay from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next would further enhance coherence. Using transitional phrases can enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task by highlighting multiple reasons why multiculturalism benefits nations, making the response well-rounded.
task achievement
The inclusion of specific examples like the Diwali festival helps to illustrate and support your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: