Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem.

#children #lifestyle #parents #schools

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In recent years, unhealthy lifestyles have become increasingly common for

children

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, and

this

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issue can be solved with the confluence of both parental and

school

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help.

Although

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there are some factors that encourage

children

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to maintain a healthy

lifestyle

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, I strongly believe that joint action by

parents

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and

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school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

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can greatly support a healthy

lifestyle

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. These days, with the development of technology and changing habits of living, unhealthy lifestyles could be popular among

school

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students.

This

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trend can be tackled easily with efforts by

parents

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and schools easily.First of all,

parents

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play an important role in shaping the habits of every child, dedicating more time to them. Meanwhile,

parents

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can encourage

children

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to follow their instructions, helping them to understand what is right and wrong.

This

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often leads

children

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to foster their decision-making and problem-solving skills, altering their mindset in terms of living.

Such

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abilities could support every child in making wise decisions and helping them adjust to a new healthy

lifestyle

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. In terms of developing a healthy

lifestyle

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school

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can teach them important subjects,

such

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as history and math, which play an integral role in discouraging

children

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from adapting to a bad life. Those subjects are responsible for teaching students about historical figures and their lifestyles, urging them to imitate them in real life later on. There are some external factors that influence the development of a healthy

lifestyle

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among schoolchildren. It is freedom. These days, more and more

children

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are suffering from a lack of freedom in their lives.

In other words

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parents

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and schools are often under pressure to adjust to a

to a

Remove the redundancy

apply

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new

lifestyle

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, which is leading to bad results. As long as

children

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have the independence to make personal decisions and do whatever they want, they try to live in different environments and choose the most alternative one.

Linking Words

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a result, it eases the process of

adoptation

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adopting

of new

lifestyle

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To conclude

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although

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there is one factor in shaping a healthy

lifestyle

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, which is freedom, I strongly believe that parental and

school

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-related actions carry greater weight.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Wed Aug 21 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that every main point is thoroughly supported with specific and relevant examples to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Work on developing your main ideas further with greater detail and clarity. This will help in enhancing the depth of your discussion.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow between paragraphs and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.

coherence cohesion

Ensure internal coherence within each paragraph by linking sentences clearly and logically.

coherence cohesion

Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.

task achievement

You have addressed the task effectively by discussing the role of both parents and schools in tackling unhealthy lifestyles among children.

language use

Your language use and sentence structures are generally good, which helps convey your ideas clearly.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

7.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

342 words

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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some believe governments should spend more money on improving roads and highways, while some think money should be spent improving public transportation, such as buses, trains, and subways. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for qualifications. Discuss both views and give your opinion.