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Band 7.5

Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the word. what are the causes of it? and what solution do you offer?

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It is an undeniable fact that mental well-being is one of the major issues faced by the world in the 21st century.
This
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 essay will explore how work pressure and academic strain are the root causes of
this
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 concern, and how through proper
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 management and study techniques,
this
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 problem can be curtailed. There are multiple causes of
this
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 subject.
Firstly
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, one of the biggest reasons is the workload on individuals which leads to nervousness as they have to complete it within the given hour.
For instance
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, countries like Japan and South Korea are confronting several stress issues in their people
due to
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 overwork, where a person has to do a long task with just a short break.
Thus
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,
this
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 cause can be considered as the fueling force behind
this
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 topic.
Secondly
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, another considerable reason associated with
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 menace is study pressure on pupils highly resulting in tension and mental disturbances. For students, exams, deadlines, and expectations from parents and teachers can be overwhelming and lead to stress. To illustrate, in countries like South Korea and China
due to
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 high competition among youngsters, spend a lot of
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 learning as a lack of relaxation tends to anxiety in kids.
Hence
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,
this
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 cause can be considered a breeding ground for
this
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 point.
However
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, there are certain viable measures that can be taken to curb
this
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 issue. The primary solution would be
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 management at the workplace. Companies should divide the tasks among team members
according to
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 their expertise and give them proper
time
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 to complete it which definitely reduces the tension.
Furthermore
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, another effective solution would be that every student should know about the various study techniques,
such
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 as breaking tasks into manageable pieces and taking regular breaks that allocate
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 for their relaxation.
To conclude
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, even though hectic workplace and educational pressure are widespread causes of
this
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 topic, I believe that work organizing and learning strategies,
this
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 matter can be effectively tackled.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. This will not only strengthen your argument but also make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, using more transition words and phrases can enhance the flow and make your writing even more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to improve the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
You have addressed the question effectively, discussing both the causes of stress and possible solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which summarize the main points nicely.
coherence cohesion
The logical organization of your paragraphs contributes to the essay’s overall coherence.
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