IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community?

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In my point of view, many
people
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 receive government benefits when they are out of
work
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 for a long time. Some
people
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 think that these
job
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seekers
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 should do voluntary
work
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 in return for the help they get.
This
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 idea has both advantages and disadvantages.
Firstly
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, one reason to support
this
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 idea is that it can help the
community
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. When
people
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 do voluntary
work
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, they help others.
For example
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, they could help in a local charity, clean parks, or assist the elderly.
This
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 not only benefits the
community
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 but
also
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 gives the person a sense of purpose. They feel that they are doing something meaningful, which can boost their confidence.
Secondly
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, another reason is that voluntary
work
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 can help
job
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seekers
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 gain new skills. When they
work
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 in different places, they learn new things. These skills can be useful when they look for a
job
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 in the future. It can
also
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 show future employers that they are motivated and willing to
work
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 hard, even when they are not getting paid.
However
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, some
people
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 might argue that forcing
job
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seekers
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 to do voluntary
work
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 is unfair. They may already be struggling with their situation, and adding extra
work
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 could be stressful. They might
also
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 be spending a lot of time looking for a
job
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, and doing voluntary
work
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 could take away from that. In some cases, the voluntary
work
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 might not be related to their skills or interests, making it less beneficial for them. In conclusion,
while
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 there are clear benefits to having long-term
job
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seekers
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 do voluntary
work
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, it should not be forced. Voluntary
work
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 can help the
community
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 and the
job
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seekers
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 themselves, but it should be a choice, not a requirement.
This
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 way,
people
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 can give back to the
community
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 if they are able, without feeling pressured.

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Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, providing insights into both the advantages and disadvantages of the issue. However, you could enhance your argument by offering more specific examples and further elaboration on your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay is logically structured and easy to follow, try to use more varied transitional phrases to link your ideas more smoothly. A more seamless flow of ideas could enhance your coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
To raise your score, make sure to develop each paragraph a bit more. You already have strong supporting points, but adding a bit more detail and examples can make your argument even stronger.
Conclusion, Introduction, and Structure
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and provides a balanced perspective, which is a strong way to round off the essay.
Conclusion, Introduction, and Structure
You have a clear logical structure, with a strong introduction and conclusion. Your paragraphs are organized in a logical manner, which helps the reader follow your argument.
Support for Main Points
Your essay includes relevant specific examples, which strengthens your argument and demonstrates your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Long-term job seekers
  • Government benefits
  • Voluntary work
  • Community service
  • Employability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Mental health
  • Stigma
  • Unemployed
  • Public funds
  • Positively impact
  • Community
  • Exploit
  • Vulnerable individuals
  • Devalue
  • Volunteerism
  • Informal contributions
  • Skill-matching
  • Beneficial and fulfilling
What to do next:
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